It is possible that this theory is true??

Most of me does not believe this theory, but the other small (albeit rapidly growing) part of me wonders if it is possible.

Anyone wanna do a little freakish animal/people socialization research project?

My friend Steph has been telling me for years that pets take on their environment. As in, they become like their owners in some way.

Yeah, I thought it was just one of those weird things people said too.

Then we got Macy 3 years ago. She is a Lhasa-Poo. [Little side note: the Poo part is to keep shedding at a very minimum. It works! Apparently you can put a little bit of poo in just about any animal and cause it to stop shedding.] But I digress. So we got Macy. She is Hyper with a capital H. I figured it was a downfall of the poo. She is very, very smart. Will do just about anything for a treat. She is unnaturally attached to certain things. And by unnaturally I mean that when she sees said items, she can hyper-focus like no other animal I've ever seen. She loves adults and jumps into the laps of strangers within seconds. She doesn't seem to mix well with her peers. And when people mess with her or try to change her plans...well she is downright nasty. But, when it's time to put her in bed - she goes and she sleeps very well. Not a peep until morning.

Does this description sound familiar? If you know my family, you may think I am describing the dog version of my oldest child.

Steph says, "I told you so."

I say, "whatever just a coincidence."

Then we got Izzy 4 weeks ago. She is a Goldendoodle. Thank goodness someone wised up and she's not a Golden-Poo. But same concept applies to Izzy and the doodle part. No shedding!! She is delightful. Best puppy I've ever been around. Very calm. Very low energy. She plays, but only for brief bursts of time, and then she needs a good long rest. I'm not sure I've ever seen a dog drink more water than this dog drinks. She has a big poochy tummy. She loves to cuddle, and is never grumpy or touchy when I try to pet and hug her. She eats LARGE amounts of food. She is a much bigger puppy than most puppies of her kind. She is incredibly talkative. So much so that the vet even said, "Wow - this dog is very verbal." Emphasis on the "very." When she got her puppy shots she cried for a good 2 minutes after the shots were finished. When I tell her no, she barks at me. When she is lonely, she whines. Literally, she talks-a-lot. And (wait for it...) she has diarrhea. Not just your run of the mill diarrhea. It's got blood in it. She poops a LOT as in often, and a LOT as in amount. She has been on 4 different rounds of medications up to this point and we've had her for 4 weeks. She is sensitive to certain dog food and is currently only tolerating a special diet. For the love.

Does this description sound familiar? If you know my family, you may be peeing on yourself right now.

Steph isn't surprised cause she already believed in this theory years ago.

I say, "stop laughing and come give me a hand. Clearly I need some serious help here."

P.S. As I was typing this blog post. My two children got into a fight and the Lhasa-Poo actually bit the Goldendoodle...I mean my Princess literally bit my Prince.

HELP!!!!!!!

Conversation between siblings.

Her: (very calm voice) "You only bother me because I give you a reaction. I am not going to give you a reaction anymore."

Him: " What is reaction mean?"

Her: "It's like when I hit you or scream when you do something. But I'm not doing it. I'm just gonna ignore you."

Him: "But I'm not doing it. I'm just gonna ignore you."

Her: (throwing a toy at him)

Him: (walking away) "I fink that was a reaction."

Current Count

I am a nurse - and good thing. I pass out a lot of pills to my current tribe of disease-infested family members. And by family members, I am including the dogs. Yes, the dogs take meds as well.

As of today the count for pills is:
Doggy #1 - 2 per day for ear infection
Doggy #2 - 1 per day for diarrhea
Prince Talks-a-lot - 6 per day for Crohn's Diseas
Princess Moves-a-lot - 12 per day (don't ask)
Me - 1 and sometimes 2 depending on the day. ( I bet you don't need to ask)

The pharmacy LUVS us!

Ok internet, I'm counting on you.

We got a puppy. Did you know I love puppies?? Did you know that I'm not a big fan of dogs.

Are you trying to connect the "rational" dots right now??

Don't

But seriously, she's really cute and super cuddly.

So here's the thing my dear internet. When I begin to complain (as I tend to do) point me gently in the direction of this post. Help me to remember that I chose this. Remind me that she is so cute. Tell me that my kids LOVE her. And when all of that fails - LIE! Any lie will do, but you need to do this one thing for me.

Hugs and big slobbery kisses...
jamie

Because there isn't enough drama...

I had a massive dizzy spell a couple of mornings ago. I found out later in the day that I am, in fact, NOT DYING. At the time, however, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I am the only adult in the house. It is 7:30 a.m. I am getting in the shower. And it hits. Feels like I am on a carnival ride. I grab onto the wall and everything starts to go black. Yikes! So I do what any normal person would do, and lay right down on the bathroom floor (big gulp). Yes, naked! The Princess walks in and takes one look at me and says, "What exactly are you doing?" This is pre-Ritalin -- which is not so calm and quiet...otherwise known as God help us all stay alive until the Ritalin kicks in. So she goes into full-fledged freak-out which includes bringing me the phone(to call Papa for some grown-up help), and a pillow(in case I wasn't comfortable...cause really, once she gave me the pillow I could say like this all day), and the dog(not so helpful), and some breakfast(cause I typically eat breakfast laying on my back on the bathroom floor, naked), and a water...All I want are some panties! I hear the Prince coming - shoot! - so I grab a towel with my toe, and manage to cover myself so as not to scar him for life. Every time I moved a fraction, I started to spin so hard that I am sure I am gonna puke, and I am a little afraid that I am gonna pass out and leave the kids totally unattended. When he comes in I ask for some clothes, and he pitches right in. The first pair of underwear he grabs are thong underwear (that I don' t really wear anymore for obvious reasons) and he just keeps twisting them around and around trying to figure them out. So finally, he throws those on the floor and grabs some "real" panties. Whew. Next came the bra, shorts, and a t-shirt. I am able to get dressed while laying completely flat on the bathroom floor. This is a skill that I didn't know I had but one I am all too glad to have discovered...just in the nick of time -- because within 3 minutes, my dad walks into the room.

He wants to know what he needs to do first.

My answer: Get the RITALIN!!

p.s. As it turns out a good Chiropractor can snap, crackle, and pop the dizziness right out of ya.

The end.

I actually took a picture of poop!

It's true. I'm not ashamed. Just in awe! My son has nothing private in his life...and this includes his pooh. Today I took my digital camera into the bathroom and snapped a picture. I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do with said photo. I'm guessing no GI doc in the country wants to see a photo of a 5 year old's poop. But, I'm going for broke here...so what can I lose.

We are still in the thick of a Crohn's debacle. In addition, he (my sweet 5 year old) has been tortured with a nasty bacterial infection in his gut that has required $1,200.00 worth of antibiotics - for 10 days. TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!

My next obsession is getting more input from additional docs in the GI community. We are headed to Omaha next week. Additionally, I am trying with all of my might to get an appointment with the "main dude" at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia. Apparently, you have to sell a kidney or pledge your plasma for life to get anyone in any hospital facility to move quicker than a three-toed-sloth in the middle of a Brazilian rainforest. I am simply asking for a few medical records and that process alone has taken 12 phone calls, 4 faxes, and 1 gallon of white wine. For. the. love.

Girls!

A "too-fast" trip to Austin for a Girl's Weekend!

A week with an old friend!

And by old I mean that we've been friends for a long time...but whatever...teeheehee

Happy Spring!

Extreme Survival Tip

If you have cold feet. And if you happen to have a Ziploc baggie around. And if you happen to need to pee. Apparently, you can pee into the baggie (in theory) and zip it up tight. And apparently, if you put it on your cold feet, it helps.

And if you do this...and you live in my house and/or you stay with your grandparents when you little brother is in the hospital...hypothetically speaking...when not in use, the pee bag can be stored behind the toilet on the floor. And you will probably need one at each house. Cause feet can get cold without much notice and you will want to be prepared.

A little trip to the hospital.

After a long day and night and many, far too many, IV sticks...my little prince needed to get out some aggression on a willing victim. He was given a bear and some "doctor stuff" to try his hand at saving lives.

This, that, and nothing much.

~I'm enduring frequent visits from my old friend Migraine. It's really starting to make me mad. I wonder if anger is a suitable defense against migraines?

~I've thrown myself all into an exercise program...again. Not pretty. The kicker?...it doesn't have instant results.

~I trimmed my bangs yesterday. 364 days of the year my bangs get longer. This one day - the day after I've taken it upon myself to cut them...they shrink overnight. I look ridiculous. My hubby walked into the bathroom as I was drying my hair and he just started laughing. Great.

~I've been struggling with sleeping over the last several months. I'm not an insomniac, I just toss and turn a lot at night. And just recently I discovered a little trick that has me sleeping like a baby all night. A really big pillow on my feet. Is that the dumbest thing you've ever heard?

~My Princess has taken to "speaking" in Spanish to anyone with dark skin. She is not learning Spanish, she watches Dora.

Shocked

We are really, really in the groove with the homeschooling stuff. I have to admit that I am shocked at how much I am loving it. Now, before you get the wrong idea, it's hard. And by hard I mean...hAAAARRRRRDDDD. We spend many days working more on behavior and respect than on reading, writing, and 'rithmatic. But at the end of the day, I have loved it! I've said it before and I'll say it again...my little Princess with her "passion for life" is gonna get into trouble every day for the way in which she chooses to express her passions. So, if someone is gonna get really mad at her each day - it may as well be me (or is it might as well?).

So that's it. That's where we are. That's what we are doing. And blogging has become my long lost friend. Sad.

Happy Birthday Kansas!

Apparently, when you begin the process of homeschooling a child - you also begin to do very odd "teacher" type things to keep the days fun.
Today is Kansas Day and we started it off with a "Sunflower" breakfast!

Big guy versus little boy

My prince - is 5 now! And he is a very big guy...just ask him. His latest obsession is Disney and all of the "big boy shows" that I should probably NOT let him watch. If you also suffer through Disney shows at your house, you know all about "Zack and Cody". If you don't know about "Zach and Cody" count your blessings.

So my big guy is still my little boy (we just keep that a secret)

Here's a little conversation that unfolded this morning.

Him: "Mommy, can you turn on the TV!"

Me: "After the news."

Him: "Arghhh, you watched the news last night!!! (stomp, stomp, stomp)

Me: (happy and content at the sound of my children stomping away as I enjoy the rest of the news)

Him: "Moooooommmmmmy!! I WANT TO WATCH ZACK AND CODY!!"

Me: "Ok, let me see what's on." (flipping on PBS just in time for Curious George)

Him: "OH! This is soooo much better than Zack and Cody!"

History

Yesterday was really fun. I sat on the couch beside my girl and watched history being made as Pres. Obama became number 44! We live in "republican-palooza" so our views aren't shared by the majority. Still, to be able to see 2 million people fill the National Mall, to feel the buzz of excitement, and to hear a speech that will be in the history books is awesome.

My little home school.

ARHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

I chose this, I chose this, I chose this, I chose this.

Take a deep breath.

I chose this, I chose this, I chose this, I chose this.

I am loved.

Go - on read THIS
I'll wait.

Yep, that's my dad. In the midst of my tears, hysteria, and complete freak-out...he stepped up. I asked him to teach history. He said sure. I tried to teach math myself and it's HHHAAAARRRRRDDDDD!!! (Not the actual math part, the teaching of it to a child with ADHD can bring me to my knees.) So dad offered to help with math too. Yes! And still when I had a melt-down and thought I would throw in the towel completely, he gave me a pep-talk that combined some "tough-love" with some "whatever-you-need-I'm-here" components.

From day one it's been "daddy's sweetheart" and I couldn't be more blessed!

Things

I got this tag on facebook...it's something about 16 random facts about me. To be honest, I couldn't figure out how to follow the rules. Facebook is a little heavy on the rules. But it got me thinkin' about a similar post on my (long forgotten) blog. So here it is...random things about me.

1. I don't do well with being told what to do. Like when it says "16 random things about me", well that just makes me mad.

2. I gag at snot especially when it is coughed up, blown out, or hanging in some one's nose. I put my kids in time-out for nose-picking. And I'm a nurse - go figure.

3. I don't like dogs. They smell and drool and sneeze and pooh and pee and vomit and bark and lick their own....(you get the picture).

4. I seem to be able to "die to myself" for the needs of my kids.

5. Our dog's name is Macy

6. My favorite food is ice-cream - specifically Ice-cream cake from DQ.

7. I got married in 3rd grade to my boyfriend - on the playground - with a wedding ceremony, vows and rice - the other 3rd grade kid that acted as the pastor is now an actual Pastor.

8. I am now a homeschooling mom.

9. I do NOT enjoy children that are ages 3 and 4 - mine or yours.

10. I hate to dust.

11. I want to be that girl who loves dressing up and wearing make-up and putting on beautiful jewelry. But honestly, it's all too much work.

12. I LOVE, LOve, Love birthdays. Can someone tell my husband.

13. I thought boxelder bugs were called "republicans" until I was 20 years old. Thanks dad.

14. I don't cry OFTEN, but when I do - watch out.

15. I hate to answer the phone.

16. I cannot remember the details of anything I read or see.

17. I love to swim!

18. I do not remember dates but I would do anything for my friends and family.

Please stay with me...

I'm coming back - I PROMISE. It's been a little hairy here! see you soon.

No one can call us boring!

I have a friend who says that drama just seems to find certain people. Shoot!

We've had a few changes recently and a few GLORY! moments. I'm feeling really grateful for bullet points at the moment!

~I am now officially a homeschooling momma! Never thought I would say that - trust me.

~My homeschool-ER is adjusting to the idea in short bursts of realization that she gets a lot of 1-on-1 attention and LONG passing periods! =)

~My Prince had his Christmas program and he sat still, sang the songs, smiled at me, and looked like a normal 5 year old. I have never, in all my life, been so thankful for average (mean, median, or norm).

~My hubby is a SAINT and came home with a case of white wine! To be enjoyed over dinner - which he cooked!

~I have the best friends! I've said it before but I'm sayin' it again...Barn-building friends are those people who show up when your crap all burns down around you and they just start building it back up with you and for you...no questions asked. Over the last 2 weeks, I have gotten unconditional support from: my family (what would I do without my family!), the girls I get to see every week (you've talked me through this thing), the Java Girls (why do you have to live so freakin' far away), my Church family (who put schedules aside to listen to me process), and long-lost friends (who still use my middle name just because it's always been that way!). Thank you doesn't cut it!

~I'm a sucker for Christmas traditions! This year I am just trying to stick with the tradition of getting out of bed each morning! It's working out pretty well!

~Our house is still "for sale" but maybe not for much longer. Because quite honestly, enough is enough.

Ho, Ho, Ho!!! Merry Christmas!

We interrupt this photo blog...

For a nervous breakdown.

Our daughter has attended a small private Christian school (remember this ?) from day one of her school life. We chose this school for lots of reasons. I firmly believe that if any environment could be supportive, loving, strong, and sure it was this environment. The downside however, is that the school does not have a "special education" program. So, as long as our kiddo and the school could manage with her in a regular classroom environment, we were all good. As of today, she is home...not at school. The question is on the table - "Can she continue to attend the school that feels like home away from home to her."

I do not embrace change well. I do not go down without a fight, especially when it involves my kids and their hearts. We are tired. We are anxious about the future. And we are learning to trust a plan that we didn't make.

We are spending our time praying and crying in equal portions.

This child that I've been given is amazing. She is strong, busy, tough, and exhausting. But more importantly - she is creative, joyful, loving, bright, bubbly, funny, compassionate, quick to apologize, and quick to laugh! I cannot imagine having to go even one day without her light in my home.

Girl's trip.

2nd annual Christmas shopping/wrapping trip with my girls. Included: shopping, dinner, movie, wrapping, pajamas, hotel, Christmas music, FUN!

My quilt

We.Are.FAmily!

It's the WEEKEND!!!! Yahoo!

My foundation

They have been married for 45 years and they make it look easy. They are happy, reasonable, generous, loyal, and supportive without conditions or limits. I've always known that I was safe and loved.
The only difficult thing about these two, is trying to follow in their footsteps.

Welcome to my Photo Blog...

Words are a little hard to come by these days...as you can tell by the lack of bloggy blatherings!

So, December will be the month of photos! Enjoy.

Sunday Blatherings...

My hubby is home from his "ocean fishing trip to N. Carolina." Yep, that's right. He treated himself to a few days off of work and a plane ticket and a salt-water fishing trip with a friend. This is how the conversation went:

Him: "Matt invited me to N. Carolina for a fishing trip. It would use up 3 vacation days and the cost of a ticket. What do think?"

Me: "I'd rather you didn't go."

Him: "Oh."

Fast forward a few days.

Him: "I got a ticket to N. Carolina."

Me: "oh."

Fast forward to today.

Me: "Welcome home! How was the trip?"

Him: "It was really fun! I'm glad I went."

Me: "So, fishing on the ocean...wow! How was it?"

Him: "Ummm, errrrr, uhhhhh, fine."

Me: "What did you catch?"

Him: "(cough) one (cough) fish (cough) about two (cough) inches long (cough)."

Me: "......................."

Can't say I laughed out loud to his face, but I may have smiled and snorted - cause I'm mature like that.

In other news:

~it's cold here and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!

~my kids seem to think they are in charge and that,...I don't love so much

~we did "Thankful for you" gifts for teachers and the Princess wrote that she was thankful for her Principal because she liked his office. hmmmm....

~I guess tomorrow I will be checking into why she likes her Principal's office.

~the Prince has taken up using handkerchiefs instead of Kleenex. This is causing extreme gag reflex issues for me.

~I got in touch with my inner teenage self today and slept in until 11:00am...and I'm tired again. I think I'm going thru a growth spurt. Nice.

Wish I may, Wish I might, Get the wishes I'm wishing tonight.

I wish:

~that I didn't worry so much.

~that I could consider it pure joy to face trials of many kinds.

~that I will always remember how lonely it feels to raise a child with differences...so that I do my part when I see another mother struggling.

~Chicago and Austin were just a couple of miles down the road.

~my actions were always a good model of for my kids to copy.

~I lived my faith in a way that left no room for doubt.

~"the way it is" could be just as great as "the way it was."

~she will get enough hugs today to remember how loved she is.

~he will make a new friend today so that he can feel as important as he is.

~two very special women could somehow know that I am taking my job - as a mother - very seriously and I am doing all that I can to honor the decision they both made.

Dear God,

It's me, Jamie. I know that I've been a little quiet lately, but I've been really busy trying to raise these kids you've given to me. And I'm sorry to say that I've also forgotten to consult with you as I go about that job.

Well, thank you for charging right back into our home through my little, I mean - BIG-5-year-old, prince.

He's sick, as you know. And for some reason, "sick" around here brings on lots of questions about Heaven. I understand that it's a little extreme to be talking about Heaven in the face of a little fever and headache, but still. My Princess is going through a slightly dramatic phase right now and when she heard that her brother was "sick," she immediately asked "if he was going to die." Enter Heaven...

So God, I did good by You and my little Prince now thinks Heaven is a totally cool place. I'm counting on you to hold off confirming that to him until a much, much, much later date. I did my best to talk about Your Kingdom as being filled with goodness, truth, kindness, peace, joy, love. He is mostly convinced that it's full of angels with swords and angels that fly and big-huge-warriors fighting the bad guys - and he is very impressed!

He has a few questions. This is a big surprise, I'm sure. How will he get to Heaven? Will it hurt? Are you nice? What if he goes without me, will he miss me? Will he get snacks? Who else is there? Can he fly on the back of an Angel? Are you big or little? How many 'fighters' are in Your army, like 5 or 7 or 10 fousand? Will he have the same eyes, ears, and penis?

So I tried to hang with him on the questions, but the penis one really threw me, your turn.

Grace and Peace,
Jamie

Happy 5th!

Buddy - you are truly the coolest 5 year old I know!! Happy Birthday to my little Prince!

The end.

So glad it's over! Wow, it was a long, loNG, LONG election season.

That said...

Rock on America - you did good!

Little of this and a little of that.

*I just sat down to look though some pictures, and I realized that I haven't taken any pictures to speak of since the first day of school shots. Yikes. So be on the look out for new pics of the little ones!

*I'm going to attempt to make a quilt. Yes, you read right. A quilt! But apparently the type of quilt I'm gonna try is the "beginners, not really a quilt, quilt" or something like that. I have no desire to quilt for the hobby of it or the sake of the craft. I do have respect for quilters, but no desire. I just really want a cool blanket in my house that isn't pink (for some reason we have a lot of pink stuff) and now I get to say, "I made that!"

*My house is still for sale. No showings. No offers. arghhhh!

*Now stop reading blogs, and go VOTE!

Just when you think you have it under control...

Well, we got to take a little field trip to the ER last night. Lucky for me it was a Wednesday and my friend was working at the hospital so we had a little moral support, a hug for Princess, and a butt-load of stickers when it was all said and done.

The kids got into a big 'ol fight that started with yelling...progressed to Princess kicking Prince in the face...and ended with Prince launching a 35 year old metal toy tractor at Princess. It hit her square in the middle of her forehead. fyi...glue is totally the way to go. In her panic she yelled, "can you see my brain." Guess next time I'll consider better language than, "it's not that big it's just a deep hole."

I might just lose my mind.

So - I have strong political views. But I have an even stronger and much (hopefully) a more developed sense of love and respect for people. Since the two don't always mix, I'm careful. Really, really careful. I can understand and even (in most cases) appreciate both sides of the isle. My top, tOP, TOP priority is to make decisions based on what I think is best for the way I am wired and what I value, knowing full well that everyone else will be doing the same and we will NOT all agree. I'm good with that.

Here's where I draw the line.

My princess is 7. She's in 2nd grade. She has (what appears to be) high anxiety at times but doesn't always show it well. She is also a very sensitive thinker. Last night she crawled up in my lap and with tears in her beautiful gray eyes, she said, "I heard at school today that Obama kills babies and that is glad when they can't breathe and die."

Inside my soul I wavered between wanting to scream and withering a little that my girl was being introduced to the idea of abortion in any way, shape or form. SHE IS 7 YEARS OLD.

As I looked into her face I thought about the sacrifice her birthmother made by NOT aborting her and giving her life. My heart is full of love for this girl and I am so glad to be her mommy. So I understand being passionate about life. And I understand struggling with the idea of abortion. And at the EXACT same time I think of girls and/or women who find themselves in a crisis pregnancy situation and my heart aches for each of them as they struggle to make decisions and wrestle with their options. This isn't a topic I talk about easily because it's not a topic that gets talked about while still maintaining love and respect for everyone.

Back to the the conversation with my daughter, she is sitting on my lap...scared and confused about the idea of anyone running for president killing babies. See, she doesn't know or understand. She can't. What she imagines is a man wanting to be in charge of our country, running around personally killing babies and finding joy in that. When I asked my daughter who told her this, she told me it was a boy in her class. In her 2nd grade class.!.!.!

Come on folks. This is awful. Not just a little slip-up. It's just plain awful. If the motivation for being vehemently apposed to abortion is because the belief is that abortion is wrong from a moral, ethical and religious viewpoint; then it is my opinion that the way we treat other people needs to follow that same code. To teach a child that "Obama kills babies", that "he is happy when babies die", and that "he is a bad man," seems to violate some moral, ethical, and religious viewpoints on how we talk about and love one another.

In the end, as I waded through this conversation with my daughter, we decided together that we should pick a candidate for president based on what we like about him rather than what we hate about his opponent. That, and "which one is more handsome" (straight from a 7 year old point of view).

Retirement and blogs

My dad is officially retired and lately he has been doing a little writing. Today he handed me a stack of political essays that he's written...nothing like an election year to fire him up! So with a little encouragement he has started a blog. Check it out. But beware...it packs a political punch.

http://www.politicalramblingsfromjim.blogspot.com

And now my heart is filled with so much sugar.

Just because the Prince uses "butt" in every other sentence we apparently assumed to much when we figured that he knew what an actual butt was. For the record (and it may sound prudish) I don't like to hear my kids say butt. They say it loud and often and it's just not necessary. So we mostly say bottom. Ranks right up there with tinkle and toot.

Anyway, I was getting myself dressed in the privacy of my own bathroom this morning when the Prince came bursting in. I was in my jeans and bra. The prince took one look at me and said, "mommy if you don't put a shirt on when we go to school everyone is gonna be able to see your butt." I paused for a moment to look myself over, wondering if maybe the jeans were a little on the "too" low-rise side. When I was completely sure that in fact my actual butt was not showing, I asked my little prince where my butt was. He pointed to my belly button.

Interesting thing is, now I'm going back through all the times I've heard him talk about his butt. I'm wondering if the poor child is completely confused about why I won't let him say butt but I'll let him show it to the entire world at the swimming pool or when he is playing the yard. Or all the times he has threatened to kick someone in the butt...?? It all gets very confusing.

I told him that butt was another name for bottom. And he laughed and boldly said, "I don't believe you."

Figures.

He really is a nice guy.

Today both of my kids were away from home for 2 hours...at the same time! Two quiet and beautiful hours. My hubby and I went for a long walk and talked non-stop. I had forgotten how nice he is.

If you love my kids - this is for you.

Dear Friends,

I have been thinking about this a lot. I've been trying to write this post for a few weeks and I just didn't know how to put it all in words. But as I think more about it, I realize that I cannot let any more days go by without somehow (no matter how sloppy) getting it out.

Who I am today is in large part due to the love and support I got from my family and from the people that surrounded my family. Mostly in the form of my parent's friends. Even as a teenager, I would see these folks in the store or at the mall and they would speak and smile and make me feel important and special. I knew that these folks expected me to be good and nice and genuine. And even though I did many things that I would NEVER want these special people to know about, I made a lot of decisions knowing that lots of folks cared about me and expected more of me. Ultimately, I had a huge group of cheerleaders and I was always aware of their love for me.

My kids are awesome. But they make me worry. They make me tired. I want them to be perfect, and they are not. I want them to be the "good" kid and make good decisions...and they do sometimes (and I'm so proud!) and then there are other times...when they take me down. So to say that I nEEd people to love my kids, doesn't even begin to touch the truth. I realize now more than than ever before that it may be the key to my survival. I cannot imagine living this life and raising these kiddos without people who love my kids (in spite of what they act like or what their diagnosis is or what I do or don't do as a mother).

For those of you that love my kids and surround my family and affirm our efforts and "do" life with us...Thank you! You will never, ever know your impact. I pray that I do the same for you.

If I had something to say, you'd be the first to know...

But in reality, I can't think of anything to write about. Around here, we've been keeping the house clean. Not managing to sell it despite my best house-keeping skills. The kids have been - kids...shockingly-normal-acting-kids, which gives me absolutely NO blog material. And I have been managing to get out of bed in spite of my overwhelming desire to stay in bed every.single.day. Whew, I am now boring the snot out of myself just writing this.

So, the moral of this tedious story is...I'm taking a little bloggy-break until something comes along and shakes us up.

xoxo

To say I've been freaked out for the last few months is a major understatement.

She's back. My girl is back. This fact alone has big implications but I'm not going to complain - just notice.

Over the last few months I have watched my child disappear. I really felt like I was loosing her to something I couldn't name. We questioned lots of disorders and diagnoses. Aspergers? Bipolar disorder? etc., etc. My heart has been in agony. My head has been swimming with the possibilities and reasons why and how to fix it all.

She has always been a handful. Hyper doesn't begin to describe her. She pushes the limits. Questions and defies authority. Thinks outside of the box. And causes me to think through and plan out each interaction I have with her. But she has done it all with a constant joy, a contagious giggle and a sparkle that just won't quit.

When the joy left we worried but did our best to help her. The giggle was replaced by silence or anger. And then one day I woke up and realized that my girl had no sparkle. I freaked completely out.

But here's the thing. The good news. The sparkle is back! At this point it turns out that it was best case scenario instead of the worst. Her sparkle was temporarily on a holiday, but it's back! She's shinin' her light all over our house, her school, our church and quite frankly anywhere she goes. I get that she is too much right now. Too hyper, too talkative, too many ideas. I get it. But honestly, I am so relieved to have her back. I am so thankful to see the child I thought I had lost, that the rest of it can just wait a little while.

This is how you know that you've shoved your marriage to the back burner for the sake of the kids.

The prince and I were driving today and I had to slow down for a couple to walk across the street in front of us. The couple was holding hands. My 4.year.old watched with a lot of interest as they passed in front of our car. Silly me, I thought he was watching them because they were covered in tattoos and piercings. Nope.

Him: "Mommy, how come those grown-ups are holding hands with each other?"

Me: "Because they love each other and they like to hold hands."

Him: "To cross the street?"

Me: "Anytime, they just like to hold hands."

Him: frowning deeply

Me: "Mommy and daddy hold hands sometimes because we love each other."

Him: silence

Me: "Buddy have you ever seen daddy and mommy hold hands with each other?"

Him: "Nope."

Time to change some things around here.

I CANNOT SPELL

Raise your hand if you noticed that I spelled threatened like this: "treatened"

Now feel guilty if you didn't send me an e-mail letting me know. Come on friends. It's like letting me walk around with something in my teeth or worse...hanging out of my nose.

In other news:

Today I made homemade applesauce and I am now eating it by the bushel-full - literally. Wow, it's amazing.

The other thing I did today was a field trip with the Prince's preschool class. We drove to the fire station and had some really nice firefighters show us around. They [fireman] were very nice. They [lots of 4 and 5 year old kids] were really well behaved. But honestly, it was a crazy adventure. Talking to a group of 4 and 5 year old kiddos is not the same thing as normal brained humans. These firefighters, bless their hearts, spent some time giving some very interesting info and some freaking scary info. At one point the nice firefighter asked how much the kids thought the suit weighed. One child answered 2o. The firefighter assumed that the child meant pounds but for real he may have meant potatoes. The next kiddo answered 60-fousand. The firefighter just stared at him. Next on the tour we got to see the jaws of life and some serious steel cutters in the event that we are in an accident and our cars were smashed completely and on fire and the firefighters needed to get us out very quickly. At this point the kids that weren't clinging to their moms were staring at the firefighter with HUGE WIDE EYES. At one point a little boy said, "what are you gonna do to us?" It was a little bitty lesson in horror and death. Good times.

The good news: my son did fine. He stayed with the kids. He minded the teacher. He was respectful. He didn't freak out in any way. This is NOT my first field trip to the fire station. I've been twice before with the Princess. Sadly, I cannot say the same about those trips.

***[a little note to my daughter: Dear Princess, if you read this blog at some point when you grow up and you feel in any way sad or disappointed that I would say such a thing about your trips to the fire station...well, you should. I love you until my heart wants to explode and I would do anything for you. But, quite honestly honey, you were awful at the fire station. xoxo Mom]

Well I'm off to eat more applesauce before the kids find it!

At the point that she threatened him with bodily harm...

My little guy is a thinker and a TALKER. He loves to ask questions and it's pretty common for him to still be mulling something over hours after the fact.

It was my turn to deliver a basket to a new family at our church. I took the Prince with me. We discussed what we would do when we arrived and what he was supposed to do. We were going to stay on the porch and speak for a minute. He could ask questions if he wanted and he needed to speak politely if they asked him questions. We were prepared, I thought.

Her: "Hi, it's nice to meet you!"

Me: "It's great to meet you all well! This is my son."

Her: "Hi there! How old are you?"

Him: "Four"

Her: "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Him: "I have a sister."

Her: "How old is she?"

Him: "Seven."

Her: "We have a four year old here at our house, when you meet her, she will talk your leg off!"

Me: "Oh, he likes to talk a lot too."

Him: "Mommy, I want to leave."

So he runs to the car and climbs in and sits for 10 more minutes like an absolute prince as I continue to visit with the very nice lady. She laughs because she thinks she has asked too many questions to him and scared him away. I quickly inform her that he will be filling me in on any thoughts he had as we drive away. Little did I know...

I climb back in the car and we take off towards home. He is unusually silent. After about five minutes, he says to me:

"Mommy, that lady said that someone at her house is gonna chop my leg off, but I don't know if they can do that or not."

Cause I know that you are dying for a play-by-play.

7:18: Awakened by the sweet sound of my daughter and my husband arguing.

7:30: C0ffee - cause seriously people it's freakin' early.

7:42: Begin the process of nagging and harping on the kids to get in the car already.

7:50: Explain for the bazillionth time that we are late to school and that the morning could be much more relaxing if everyone would just do as I say. For crying out loud.

8:09: Drop the Princess off at school. Wave from a LONG distance at the adults and pray that no body figures out that I am basically still in my pajamas.

9:00: Begin cleaning. 3 bathrooms, dusting the 2nd story, scrubbing the kitchen floor, 2 loads of laundry.

12:00: Shower. Gross

12:35: Fix lunch.

1:00: Force the Prince to L.A.Y. D.O.W.N.

***From 1 to 3 I'm sure that my activities involved very important mom/wife business and do not include mindless hours on the Internet. cough, cough.

And honestly the rest of the day is a blur that I am trying to forget. But it includes: gymnastics, and exercise class for me, more bossing the children around, and some chocolate.

Everyone talks about these years that fly by. I'm wondering when those years will arrive.

And here is where I loose all of my friends...but I make my dad very proud.

I watched the debate last night. Other than the few minutes when my kids totally freaked completely out because my attention was not solely on them.

So, my goal last night was to sit down with an open mind and listen to both candidates and begin to form my own opinions based on what they said and the way in which they said it. I have grown up in a very politically minded family. Politics were NOT on the back burner. When I registered to vote as an eager 18 year old, I registered Republican. My poor dad thought he had failed. However, the town that we live in is very, very conservative and very few democrats live here. The ones that do, only talk about it in dark alleys - at night - whispering.

Here's my problem...my dad is gonna love me anyway. I don't like dark alleys. It would be sooooo much easier for me to get behind John McCain for president. But I just cannot do it people. [For the record, I'm ducking now and wincing and kind of whispering]

In the end, my opinion of the debate doesn't matter because you can read any newspaper in the country or watch any major Tv channel and hear the opinions of really smart political analysts. Several websites help with fact checking to see who lied and weather it was a big lie or a little lie. It's all frustrating to be quite honest.

So I've decided to become a one issue voter. My issue is...dead. I will now base my vote on the person that is furthest away from dead. The end.

And I did it all with a straight face.

Him: "Mommy, how do you go pee if you don't have a penis?"

Me: "All girls have a body part that they pee with." [You've got to be kidding me, this conversation is NOT in any book on how to raise kids.]

Him: "So, if you don't have a penis how do you pee?" [He likes to ask the same questions in different ways, I think to trick me.]

Me: "I have a urethra and that is how I pee." [I wonder how soon I will get to hear the word urethra in public?]

Him: "So, can you pee only or do you have to poop every time you go potty." [I'm guessing that he is asking this because us girls SIT when we go to the bathroom.]

Me: "I can just pee. I don't have to poop each time I go to the bathroom."

Him: "Except why do you sit down." [Bingo!]

Me: "Because I cannot point my urethra at the toilet. You get to stand because you can point your penis at the toilet water." [Yes, I know that this is just a theory not often proven but still, the concept is that they are SUPPOSED to point the penis at the toilet.]

Him: "So, you don't have to point your penis down?" [Somehow I am not getting it across to him."

Me: "No buddy, because first of all I don't have a penis. And second of all, I cannot point something I don't have."

Him: "I wish I didn't have a penis." [I'm honestly not so sure where to take this one.]

Me: "Why not."

Him: "Cause it's so boring pointing my penis down and down and down. Also when I do lots of things at once it's not fun. Like when I go poopy and point my penis and stuff." [Lots of things going through my mind here...mostly I would like to further discuss the word stuff...]

Me: "Clifford the Big Red Dog is on Tv, hurry or you'll miss it."

We are selling it - again.

Every few months we decide to move. It's random but in the end we decided that if we keep wanting to sell the house it must mean that we need to "poop or get off the pot."

Today we are wildly cleaning out and hoping to have it on the market by Wednesday. ARghhhhhhh!!!!

The good news this morning is that our Prince got totally into the concept and decided he was D.O.N.E. with his toys. So he dumped them all into a storage tub with the direct instructions to "sell these." So, his room is clean. Wish it was that easy in every room.

A little note of thanks - I think

Dear 67 year old Wal-mart Employee,

I'm not sure if you will remember me, but I am the mom that you co-parented with at Wal-mart yesterday. You know, the one with the little boy that called me stupid - or correction - yelled that I was stupid. Oh, you do remember. Great! Well, this is just a little thank you.

First let me start by saying that your tan looked fabulous! Really, I mean it. I know that orange is "in" this fall and that particular shade looks great with your hair. Is it from a bottle or do you use a tanning bed somewhere? And your deep scratchy voice, it's totally working for ya. Seriously, I have been known to "light up" a time or two back in the day, but I didn't stick with it long enough to get that certain quality to my voice and now I'm really wishing that I had; cause it apparently scares the snot out of my son. Anywhoo...enough of the small talk.

When we came into the store yesterday, my son was acting like a little stinker and he was already a little put out that I wasn't promising him toys and candy in exchange for making him walk, on his own two legs, all the way through the store. Sigh. He picked up every item that was within his reach that had any kid-friendly decor on it at all. FYI - that's every single item. Right before we ran into you, he had grabbed a football and was begging for it. I asked him to put it back and he had to run clear down the isle to put it back. I just kept walking because frankly, I was trying to ditch him but it wasn't working. And then he spotted a lunch box. He grabbed it and yelled, "can I get this?" I just kept walking at which point he yelled, "STUPID MOMMY!" He had to raise his voice because I was clear at the other end of the isle. That is the exact moment you came around the corner. When you asked me "who's stupid?" I thought maybe we were gonna share a moment and have a good laugh. That's why I said, "apparently I am" and then laughed...alone. You just kept walking as if you hadn't even heard me. But then you walked up to my son and in your mean (well, I guess I'm not sure if that was your mean voice or your regular voice but whatever) voice you said, "You - BE NICE." It worked. The color drained out of his face. His eyes flew open. And I'm guessing his heart beat registered on the Richter scale.

I wasn't sure if I appreciated what you had just done or if I was pissed at you for being mean to a 4 year old. At any rate, the Prince followed me through the rest of Wal-mart quietly dodging every single adult. He didn't ask for one more toy. In fact the flashbacks lasted for the entire next hour while I was at an eye appointment. Everyone thought he was so sweet and mild mannered.

So bless you as you go through your days scaring little kids, cause every once in awhile you make a mommy smile.

Sincerely,
Jamie

Cause I'm mature like that...

My husband is actually a pretty good guy. He's clueless, but really a nice guy. Me...I'm a ruthless snot for 4 days a month, every single month, without fail. So when he chooses those exact 4 days each month to be a complete idiot and then is surprised by my rage, I am always amazed. I guess for the outside world looking in (aka you people) it could be assumed that he is always a complete idiot and it only bothers me 4 days a month. However, this is just not the case. I am bothered by him way more than 4 days a month. But the level of stupid hits award-winning on these 4 days. It could also be assumed that he is in fact not an idiot at all, but rather that I am just ultra-sensitive on these 4 days a month...and to those of you that assume that, youcanjustshutthehellupthankyouverymuch. I love him, I really do. I am glad that I am spending my life with him. And I honestly think out of all the women in the world, I am the winner when it comes to husbands. But really, FOR.THE.LOVE.

Just this morning when he came home from his hour (away from home) of working-out and said that he was headed to a football game after his shower, he had the audacity to question the slightly frustrated look on my face. As the discussion continued, it turns out that he believes that he spends as much time alone with the kids as I do and (the kicker) that he has to deal with heavy discipline equally as often as I do. Um...ooops, this may have been the wrong thing to say to me on this day of this month at this moment when both kids were in their bedrooms for doing unbelievably naughty things - while he was working-out.

For the record - as I'm typing this, guess where he is...? Yeah, well so what. I bet you anything that he feels really bad about saying something so stupid to me while he's sittin' at that football game.

What's really important

She started out as my babysitter and grew to be my friend. We've had more fun together than I can even begin to tell. My kids love her more than they love us. She has not missed a milestone yet. Everyone needs a friend like this.

Tonight she came over and hung out and the kids each needed a little "Cindy" time. When she went in with our Prince this conversation unfolded...

Prince: Are your married to B?

Her: No, I'm not married.

Prince: But I saw that he had a ring on his finger.

Her: Oh yeah he does but it's for football. It's a championship ring.

Prince: What's a Championship ring?

Her: It's a ring you get when you win a lot of games of football and are the best team.

Prince: I play soccer.

Her: Cool! Did you get a ring?

Prince: No, but we got snacks.

Her: Even better.

And then I ran off into the sunset

Helped my 7 year old ***finish (as in complete the job she had already started)***shaving her legs.

Check

Attended an exercise class that now has me wincing at every movement of my arms and doing a complete free-fall onto a chair when I sit down.

Check

Gave a thorough explanation of the difference between boys and girls - AGAIN. And answered several questions about the variety of bottom colors...don't ask.

Check

Had a nice little phone conversation with the Preschool teacher only to find out that my preschooler isn't quite "fessing-up" about the happenings at school. And by happenings I mean not *always* following directions, kicking, and grabbing toys away from unsuspecting kiddos. (I am not happy about this but I'm trying to take it in stride.)

Check

All in all pretty good day.

Check

Let the complaining roll

So I worked on Friday and Monday morning at the clinic. I will receive a small paycheck and as a bonus, strep throat. Ok, maybe not strep, but I do have a cold and a sore throat. So does my son. As if he doesn't have enough going on. And his is moving down into his chest, which means yet another Dr. appt. to somehow fit into our week and yet another medical bill. I know that our medical bills are super small beans by comparison, but it's frustrating just the same to see them rolling in.

Something is going on with our Princess. It's pretty typical to cycle through rough times with her; and each time I feel hopeless and scared and tired. The cycle passes and I forget just how bad it was and my energy is completely restored. I think it's called "mother love." Well, we are in a cycle right now that is B.A.D. And by bad I mean, she's angry, frustrated, oppositional, and hostile. She is my girl with a sparkle in her eye. The sparkle is gone. Something is wrong.

Back to the boy...the one with the cold. Remember he is on steroids? Well, he now has true blue "roid rage" and it's fabulous. Last week the butt-slapping was unique but tolerable. This week...he is crazy. Lots of punching and pent up emotion. Ughhhhh.

Really people, this is nuts. The meds we pass out in the morning are ridiculous! So I'm looking for some comic relief. I would also really love a little retail therapy, but that's not in the budget. So far I've chosen to start a new exercise program as therapy. As of today, when I sneeze my stomach hurts. When I type my arms hurt. When I sit down my butt hurts. And when I walk up the stairs my legs hurt. All in all - fun times.

How do they do it?

The weekend completely sucked. Lots of fighting (kids) and yelling (adults) with and at each other. I just kept appeasing myself with thoughts of Monday morning - at which time I would be heading in for the day to work! The grass is always greener folks.

I am officially a SAHM but lately I have said yes to some fill-in hours at the local medical clinic. I was a nurse, back in the day, and I still have a little of that knowledge rattling around in my head. When I worked, I was an O.B. nurse. So I've been stretched beyond my typical routine in the clinic, but I love it. I get to see a lot of people. Dipstick a lot of urine. Assist with a lot of poke and prods. Watch some minor procedures that involve pus. I totally dig this work. And honestly, I've needed to get out of the house. As long as I don't have to be around, look at, or deal with snot of any kind or type, I'm game.

Hubby and I planned and called and figured all the details out over the weekend so that I could head into work on Monday worry free. It went something like this: I would take Princess to school on my way to work. He would take Prince to preschool on his way to work. He would pick Prince up after preschool and take him home just in time for me to arrive for my lunch hour. I would have lunch with Prince and wait until friend/babysitter arrived. I would return to work. He would pick up Princess from school and drop her off at home. Friend/babysitter would stay with kids until I got home, at which time we would drink ourselves into a coma from all the plans it took just to work for 8 hours. For the love!

Here's how it actually went down: I slept in too late. He took Princess to school and hauled Prince with him. We freaked out and realized that Prince doesn't have preschool on Monday. We called my dad who graciously agreed to pick Prince up at 9:45 so that hubby could go to work. Papa picks up Prince. The phone rings, and Princess has slammed her face into a metal rack and cut clear through her lip....BLOOD and A HOLE IN HER FACE. Hubby takes off to get her and drive her to the pedi's office for...stitches in her face. Great. I manage to get off of work at noon and go pick up Prince and get home to spend the rest of the afternoon with the kids, instead of working. Cause really, what was I thinking?

Because he loves his momma.

We are 2 weeks into the steroids for the little guy. It's been fun to see my Prince go from a great lover of TV to a race-winning, butt-slapping, BOY. They tell me those little white pills that I give him every morning are steroids. But I now know the truth, they are testosterone pills. Just to torture me. He does not walk by me now without kissing me and/or slapping my butt and yelling, "love ya mommy." I'm hoping that behavior doesn't transfer to preschool.

Friends

I just got home from four days and three nights in Chicago with Joanna. It was so much fun and way too short. We laughed hard and stayed up late and talked until we both ran out of words - which is not an easy task.

I am completely overwhelmed at the thought of catching you up to speed on the weekend - because it's almost too much to tell.

Here are some (notice I said SOME) of the highlights:

~We spent the first evening with one of Joanna's friends and his darling wife. I got the privilege of hearing about his adoption story. It was really cool to connect with an adoptee and see how God always seem to work in the midst of adoptions in such a powerful way.

~I slept until 9:00 in the morning!

~Joanna has these amazing Java girls who have become special women in my life as well. On Sunday evening they all showed up, overnight bags in hand, for a sleep-over. Holy Cow! We laughed, ate a LOT of chips, drank some wine and some margaritas, laughed some more and stayed up until 2:30 for some of us and 3:30 for others.

~I ate great homemade food that I didn't have to cook. Yummy.

~The conversation never ever slowed down.

~I got to hang out with Joanna's kids and they are growing up into these completely cool people.

~We stopped in for a chat at the Java Family BBQ. This was perfect b/c I met the whole gang and I am considering moving to the Chicago suburbs. (I'm only kidding mom! But it is really fun to visit)

~I got a little tour of the rec complex and even better than that...I got to see an old friend. I am sad that I didn't get the chance to shake her hand and thank her, from the bottom of my heart, for her part in making my friend's life better - but still at least I got to see her. =)

~I got a little therapy time.

~And last but not least I had a blast MY true blue and cannot wait to see her again.

A note to my prince on his first day of Preschool

Buddy,
Seriously, knock it off with the growing up stuff. Cause it totally sucks.
Love,
mom

Denial is a beautiful thing.

I am having a little bit of an out of body experience. Oddly enough, I am extremely happy with it, and I may continue to live here for many days to come.

We are home from the Chidren's Hospital and well rested and still tired all at the same time. We have been given lots of information and I have heard it all. I am a nurse, so I have asked lots and lots of questions. The team of doctors and nurses were patient and kind to answer all of my questions. And then I asked most of the same questions over again. The thing is, I am not emotional about any of it. I am fine to talk. I can discuss the entire situation. But I feel nothing. I am not scared. I am not anxious. I am not crying. I am void of all emotions. It's great.

Here's the news. We checked into the hospital and tortured my very tolerant and very brave son. They started an IV, stuck an NG tube in, pumped his tummy full of a laxative, and caused him to have horrendous diarrhea for hours and hours. Then they gave him a mighty sedative and did an EGD and colonoscopy. This kid was a trooper. He coped in the only way he knew how and I was so proud of him. When he woke up from the procedure, he was very agitated, combative, screaming and crying for about 2 hours. It was miserable. I promised him all kinds of new stuff (which we had to make good on as soon as we were dismissed from the hospital) just to help him calm down. Once the anesthesia was out of his system, he did great. He was happy, talking, eating, and playing.

In the midst of all of this, a team of GI specialists informed us that they found patchy areas of bleeding ulcerations in my son's colon. This is not what a mother wants to hear. The Doctor took several biopsies and the results will be back in the next few days - we will know more then. In the mean time, the probable diagnosis is Crohn's. That was followed by about 3 more hours of information, talking, and teaching from several doctors and nurses. Everything I thought I knew about Crohn's is wrong. So I have had to start over from scratch. Good times.

We were supposed to be dismissed from the hospital following the procedure but given the findings and the bleeding that increased by about 100 percent following the scope, they asked us to stay one more night. Sure! Why not!

We are home now. My beautiful little guy has been started on whopping doses of steroids. And he starts pre-school for the first time TOMORROW!

Thank God for the blessing of denial.

It's been a long day.

My mommy heart is breaking and we still have a long night ahead. The prince has been so very brave. No tears for the IV! But the moment they decided to put that NG tube down - game over. I wish I could grab him up and run out of here and not look back. I spend all of my energy as a mommy trying to keep my kids from pain. Yet, here we sit.

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

~School started! (clap, clap)

~Started an exercise program. Ok, "program" may be overstating things, but still. (clap, clap)

~Made it one more day without spending any money, despite the compulsive need to buy a new purse. (clap, clap)

~Managed to take a shower while the Prince sat quietly watching TV. (clap, clap)

~Mom is buying pizza for the whole hee-haw gang tonight. (clap, clap)

~It's Friday. (clap, clap)

~Settled up with the Library. Whew, that $1.25 that I owed them was really hanging over my head. (clap, clap)

~Eliminated all dog poop from the yard. (clap, clap)

~Squeezed in some reading time! (clap, clap)

~Listening to the soundtrack from the movie "Once" and loving every minute of it. (clap, clap)

I miss the good stuff.

For the past 9 days I've been able to drink coffee from my friend's automatic espresso machine. My husband and I have almost resorted to knocking each other out of the way to be the first person to get to the machine each morning. Yesterday she packed up her machine to take it home with her - the gall.

So here I am, this morning, trying to choke down a cup of Kroger brand coffee from my coffee pot. Two weeks ago this coffee was fine. Not great, but fine. Today, it's B.A.D. I miss the espresso machine.

It's so quiet.

For the past week and a half my house has been filled with...laughing (5 kids), talking (me and my awesome friend from TX), screaming (me), eating (5 kids, 3 adults, 2 dogs), running (5 kids, 2 dogs) and sleeping - but not enough of that!

The company left this morning. Princess moves-a-lot went to her 2nd day of 2nd grade. So it's just me and Prince talks-a-lot here at home. I should really consider changing his name to Prince poops-a-lot. Speaking of, we are headed to the children's hospital that is a mere 4 hours away to have some testing done on the little guy. He doesn't know yet. I think I'll tell him as we load into the car and I give him his new Gameboy.

That's all I've got for now. Nothing funny or even interesting, for that matter. I'll let ya know as soon as that changes.

Even though she is 7. And even though this is the first day of 2nd Grade. And even though we've been down this road before...

I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

World, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress.. with two blue eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I Trust You'll Treat Her Well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day at school.

And never again will she be completely mine...

Prim and proud, she'll wave a young and independent hand this morning, and say goodbye and walk with little-lady steps to the nearby schoolhouse...

Gone will be the chattering little hoyden who lived only for play, and gone will be the delightful little gamin who roamed the yard like a proud princess with nary a care in her little world.

Now, she will learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called...

She will learn to tune her little-girl ears for the sound of school bells, and for deadlines...

She will learn to giggle and gossip... and to look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue.

Now she will learn to be jealous...and now she will learn how it is to feel hurt inside...and now she will learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch while an ant scurries across a crack in the sidewalk...

Or will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew. Now she will worry about important things...like grades...and what dresses to wear...and whose best friend is whose. Now she will worry about the little boy who pulls her hair at recess time... and staying after school...and which little girls like which little boys...And the magic of books and knowledge will soon take the place of the magic of her blocks and dolls.

And she'll find her new heroes. For five full years I've been her sage and Santa Claus...her pal and playmate...her parent and friend. Now, alas, she'll learn to share her worship and adoration with her teachers (which is only right).

No longer will her parents be the smartest, and greatest in the world. Today, when the first school bell rings, she'll learn how it is to be a member of the group...with all its privileges, and, of course, its disadvantages, too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies don't laugh out loud...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or watch ants scurry across the cracks in a summer sidewalk...

Today, she'll begin to learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. That "the group" can be a demanding mistress... and I'll stand on the porch and watch her start out on the long, long journey to becoming a woman.

So WORLD, I BEQUEATH TO YOU TODAY ONE LITTLE GIRL in a crispy dress, with two blue eyes, a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I TRUST YOU'LL TREAT HER WELL.

By Dan Valentine
From the book "American Essays: Sentimental Classics Designed to Make the Heart Sing".
Published by Geo. Mc Co., Box 15671, Salt Lake City, Utah 84115
Copyright dates: 1960, 1961, 1963, 1965, and 1966 by Dan Valentine

Mornin'

I still love you internet. I miss you and I plan to visit you again soon. Right now I have company. So instead of spending my day ignoring my children and hanging out with you, I am ignoring my children and hanging out with my company.

Hugs and kisses,
me

They're called boobs Ed.

Me: (eating my toast)

Her: "Mommy what are these small bumps called again?"

Me: "They are called nipples."

Her: "Oh, right nipples. What are they called when they get bigger?"

Me: "Breasts."

Her: "Breasts. So I don't have breasts?"

Me: "Not yet, but you will in due time."

Her: (running off to her room)

10 minutes later my hubby comes running down the stairs. Breathless.

Him: "You are never gonna believe this! She is singing, in her room, undressed, in front of the mirror, TO HER NIPPLES!

Me: "Stop-it!"

Him: "I promise."

Her: (Strolling into the room, basically in her own little world. In a soft, sweet voice. No silly. No joking. This was just a song.) "Nipples, nipples...how small you are. Nipples, nipples...in a few days you will grow. Nipples, nipples...I can't see you now. Nipples, nipples...but God can see you now. Nipples, nipples...how small you are."

PEOPLE...I PROMISE I DO NOT MAKE THIS UP. I WISH, FOR YOUR SAKE AND MINE THAT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE I HAD NOTHING TO SAY!

In other "body related news" we are headed for an upper GI for The Prince. Poor guy. Tons of diarrhea and no answers in sight. In an effort to start eliminating some trigger ingredients, I bought some organic and whole foods that cost me a small fortune. arghhh.

Because I need a little shot in the arm.

I am hustling some comments here. I'm wondering...just curious...a little interested to know about my readers. Don't get me wrong, I don't have my sights set all that high. Even so, I have my reasons...like can I swear in this blog or do need to keep it clean? Can I talk about how much I drink? Should I comment on my hormone level or would it be better to avoid that topic??...like if my dad comments. I'm just kidding about all of that, I don't swear or drink...but I do have some awful hormones! You're welcom. But mostly I'm just needing a little self-esteem boost. I want to hear from you -

And, I'm gonna make it easy for you. Since the last few months have seen a big halt to the spend-a-thon my hubby and I have been on for the past 11 years, I've been buying my fair share of discount, sale, and/or cheap items. I am very rapidly compiling a list of items that, plain and simply, are worth the money. As in, buy the good stuff cause the cheap stuff just ain't worth beans.

So here goes:
~toilet paper...for obvious reasons that have to do with the "ouch" factor as well as the crumbliness (the stuff I call toilet confetti, cause the back part of the potty looks like someone just threw a party).
~green beans...the cheap ones are a lot less green and a lot more brown - eewww
~Dish cloths...I can literally read the paper thru my new dish cloths from cough.dollar.cough.general.
~Pop or soda (depending on where you live)...Dr. Thunder, are you kidding me?
~Trash bags...unless you like the bottom of your trash-can to be filled with some combination of wet, smelly, guck
~Coffee...try as I may, it's just not cutting it for me.

Ok, that's my list so far. What do you have to add???

New Song at my house.

My parents stopped by for lunch. When dad arrived, he told me that he had been hearing the word butt being used by the princess a lot these days. Dad, knowing that I haven't let her say butt, was rightly confused. I let him in on the new rule around here about saying butt - only at home and only when we DID NOT have company. He said that was the same info he had gotten from the Princess the day before...only they were at papa's house. Hmmm, wonder why she can quote the rule all the while breaking it? Any-who...he then asked me if I had heard the new song the kids were singing. In a moment of complete stupidity I asked the kids what the new song was.

Two
Four
Six
Eight
Who do we appreciate?
Our Butt!

Two
Four
Six
Eight
Who do we appreciate?
Our penis!

You're welcome.

And then she droned on and on about nothing.

Because the entire point of this blog is for me to have a place to spit out all of the blah-blah that rattles around in my head all day, here goes...

1. Who was gonna tell me how bad those white sunglasses look? In case you are confused scroll down a couple of posts and check those beauties out. Nice. I look like an ant.

2. The boy I dated in high-school, many years ago, was in town and my mother saw him and his new baby. She took a picture to show me and good grief if he isn't still pretty good-looking. Shhh, don't tell my husband. And I really hope he (old fling) doesn't read this blog - cause I'm gonna feel really stupid if he does.

3. I'm still living out of a suitcase. Yes we got home from vacation 3 days ago. Yes I still have all of the clothes (they are clean) packed nicely in the suitcase. Yes I plan to continue to get dressed in clothes out of the suitcase each morning until they are gone...then I'll put the suitcase away.

4. The princess and the prince are fascinated with the word butt. By fascinated I mean that the moment they utter the word butt or hear someone else utter the word butt, all levels of hysteria erupt. So I made the rule that they are free to use the word butt at home any time they want to. They can NOT however say butt in front of company or in any public place. Two lessons I've learned from this new rule: 1~they are able to pack the word butt into almost any sentence. 2~Apparently I neglected to define "company" and "public place."

5. My backyard is mostly grass with a few areas that have not been able to grow grass or even weeds. Those ares are now happily growing beans. One by one tiny shoots are appearing all over my yard. The princess continues to plant dried beans from the cupboard and they continue to grow at an alarming rate.

6. Why do I spend all day exhausted and barely able to keep my eyes open...but as soon as I lay down in bed and the house is quiet, I canNOT sleep. For the love.

Magic Hands

The girl that cuts my hair is aMAzing. It's no exaggeration. I walked in today, with kids in tow, looking like a haggard bum and I left in a short 30 minutes later looking like a...well, a haggard bum with an amazing haircut. It's shocking what a good haircut and style can do for the emotions.

And while we are on the subject of me, I am in a cleaning out frenzy. It's all going. Books I won't ever read. Cell phone chargers from the ice-ages. Random parts and pieces to items we no longer own. Plastic bowls and dishes that are slowly poisoning us. The millions of pieces of paper and magazines and mismatched socks and on and on and on. I just cleaned out the spice cupboard and the junk drawer. Wow! We are no longer the proud owners of 52 "extra" screws and 8 small containers of pumpkin pie spice.

How are the kids? Glad you asked. They are spending the day fighting. Gosh, that's a shocker. Right now they are fighting over who gets the head and who gets the butt of the gummy sharks.

That's about as exciting as it gets around here. Wanna come over?

Good Morning Internet!

I'm home and I've missed you. It's so good to see you again.

I climbed into bed last night and closed my eyes and SLEPT all 8 hours without waking up one time. It was perfect.

So our little vacation to Austin Texas is over...I'll recap for you in bullet points cause it's all I've got this morning.

*trip to TX 9.5 hours. It was great. The kids traveled perfectly and I only had to reach into the back-seat and blindly begin slapping at my children to STOP THE FIGHTING one time.

*Checked into hotel and we were all delighted to find it clean and big. whew.

*Visited the Inner Space Caverns. The Princess loved it and asked lots of questions...Texans think she is really funny.

*Hung out with my big bro and sis-in-law and niece. Three is a crowd when it comes to children but all in all they managed to love each other. And I got some great bonding time with my niece!

*Went swimming at the neighborhood pool. My husband spent his time "chatting" with all of the moms at the pool. I accused him of trying to get hisself a date. He denied it - pshaaa.

*Helped my brother celebrate his 40th b-day. And by helped I mean that we did our best not to act like idiots at the ultra-hip restaurant in front of his musician friends during the live music performed by a Marimba band. In the end, he did turn 40 and we left early. I declare that a success-!!

*We, 4 adults, took the kids, 3 small children, to a park. Very fun park with lots of quiet parents playing with their nice little children. We arrived and began the yelling fest. We yelled across the park at each other to, "watch him so he doesn't fall off of that and kill himself." We yelled about sharing toys. We yelled about how FUN THIS IS!!

*Ate the most amazing pizza of my life.

*Expanded the definition of Cocktail Hour.

*Only had one major breakdown that landed me on some bench in front of our hotel crying my eyes out. Vacations are not for the faint of heart.

*Hooked up with Julie and her family! Spent an afternoon doing some fast and furious unpacking of their new apartment.

*Girls shopping trip around Austin...ahhhhh!

*Basically great fun with people that I love!

*9.5 hour car trip home that was almost miserable. We pulled into town and slowed down in front of Nana and Papa's house and kicked the kids out of the car. As we drove off I tried to hide the smile, but no use.

It's been a LOOOOONG day.

I was walking around the backyard chatting with one of my older bros on the phone. Summer day - easy. We hung up and the phone immediately rang. It was my mother. My dad was in the E.R. Chest pain. Ambulance. Cardiac Cath. ICU. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!

So I went into absolute over-drive. Called the neighbor to watch the kids until Casey...this is what I mean about barn-building friends...could get here. I called Casey and her phone cut out so all she heard was basically the panic in my voice and volunteered to come get my kids - no questions asked. Wow! This is what friendship is. I am blessed beyond measure. I then rushed to the E.R. I think I was wearing a bra but maybe not. I spent the day with my mom and dad. His tests came back great. He is back home tonight.

We spent the evening packing for our vacation. And now, I am almost ready to collapse in bed - my own bed - for one more night before we head to Texas. I'll see ya in a week!! Peace out.

I am always right and I love it!

The brief back-story to the actual story is this -- 4.5 years ago we put an addition on our house and along with that a second air-conditioning unit on our second floor. In the summer months it was just too stinkin' hot up there to live. I've been saying for 4.5 years that the second floor unit just didn't seem right. Half the time the upstairs wasn't cool at all or it felt muggy or etc. etc. etc. My husband, I love him...I really do, can be stubborn. He disagreed with my complaints of the upstairs. Even the intense night-sweats (me) didn't seem to sway his opinion. Mainly because the problem happens during the day when it's 100 degrees outside and HE IS GONE DURING THE DAY. But I pick my battles. Calling a repair man is expensive and we were spending all of our pretend money that we didn't actually have on things like cable. So now...since the great awakening...some serious life-style changes and some freed up cash flow, we aren't so scared to call a repair man that will cost us a bazillion dollars.

Begin actual story:

I picked the battle and said that I could not take the upstairs being miserable any more. The main problem is that I would set the thermostat at 74 degrees and by 2 p.m. it was 76 degrees. My upstairs air-conditioner was plain and simply laughing in my face. Game ON. My husband said that it was just because it was so hot outside. I didn't buy it. I asked the machine to keep my room at 74 degrees and anything other than 74 degrees is just not acceptable. I'm like that...irrational and unrelenting.

So we call the repair man. He comes and asks me to tell him what's going on. I do. He looks at me like I'm a little crazy. I offer him a beer. He says yes, thank you and begins to work his heart out. I know how to get the job done. [Ok, for you readers who are real sticklers for the actual truth...he did think I was crazy but he worked his heart out anyway sans beer...although we was very quiet. Then I asked my husband and my parent's, who had come over for dinner, if it was appropriate to offer the repair man a beer and they all said yes (I have the beer for a recipie...not cause we drink beer around here =0). And then I made my husband do it. The repair man said yes and thank you and we all became great friends.].

After all that, guess what the report was? Go on...guess. I WAS RIGHT. The air-conditioner was not doing it's job. In fact it was doing half of what it was supposed to do. At one point the repair man said to my husband, "you must just lay in bed at night and sweat." Wow! That was fun to hear. The final diagnosis is that our duct work had fallen apart in the attic somewhere and instead of the air-conditioner trying to cool room air it was sucking in 130 degree attic air and trying to cool that. Meaning, the air-conditioner was in pain and agony trying to meet my demand of 74 degrees. I apologized to the air-conditioner. Kissed the repair man. And shot my husband a smug and somewhat dirty look.

Next time we decide to save money...

We are gonna start in the winter. Cause it's freakishly HOT around here and it costs a lot of money to keep the house cool. Solution? We don't. We are miserably hot. Sweating all over each other.

Today we went to my parent's house for lunch and my 4-year-old-son announced that he wanted to "stay all day because nana's house was so cold." It was really fun to be somewhere other than our house for a cool change. I have learned that the backs of my knees and thighs are made up of millions of sweat glands that find it pure joy to do their job well! I have also learned that if I am given a choice of a leather chair or any other surface that is not made up of highly absorbent mateiral...I stand. You're welcome!

Moving right along to other very exciting news. We are getting ready to leave for vacation. Austin, Texas to be exact...cause it's not haught enough here. We will be gone for 8 nights. EIGHT!!! I have never been gone from my home for 8 nights. Plus...we don't really know what we are gonna do while we are gone. It's 105 degrees in Austin. We thought about a zoo - but then we remembered that it's 105 degrees. We thought about Sea World - but then we remember that it's 105 degrees. We thought about driving for 9 hours to sit inside and watch TV and we said YEP let's go for it. Jealous-??

Anyone wanna go for a swim?

Yep, it's the blow-up pool we have in our backyard to entertain my kids all summer. Seriously, why bother...I should just let them swim in a horse tank.




***For reals about the horse tank. When I was a kid we had some neighbors who had a horse and a horse tank. The tank was a big metal tub of "water" only it was mostly green and kind of thick - way cool to us kids. I can still see the look of horror on my mother's face after a day of playing at the neighbor's house - right when I told her that we had spent the afternoon swimming in the horse tank. Good times!

At what age is the Prince too old for me to blog about his pooping habits?

Hope it's not now...cause here goes.


Pool little guy. He is really struggling with some issues. He's had tons of tests already and everything came back negative...meaning it's a mystery. I have just assumed that he is intolerant of certain foods: juice, pop, other high sugar foods.

But it's getting worse. And over the last 3 days I've gotten really nervous. The boy has chronic diarrhea. And when I say chronic diarrhea, I mean he poops 10 or more times a day and it is complete liquid poop. Sorry for the detail, but seriously...I'm wearing out here. The good news: he is gaining weight, he acts fine, he eats and drinks, he never complains. The bad news: a lot of foods cause him to pooh immediately, he doesn't always make it to the bathroom in time, he is supposed to start preschool in a month.

Yesterday I hauled him to the doctor to check it all out - yet again. The first step is to repeat all of those oh-so-fun-poop-collection-tests. Remember the ones? If not, go here. Any-whooo...they handed me a bunch of bottles and instructed me to go home and the next time he pooped to "collect" it and fill the bottles. To which I responded, "do you have any juice here? cause if you do, he will poop in approximately 55 seconds." This was followed by a disbelieving laugh on the part of the doctor and nurse, but they brought me a bottle of juice anyway. Guess what? The prince drank it up and looked up at me - with his beautiful little face - and said, "I need to poop RIGHT NOW!"

Following the "collection" we headed home and the nurse called and said, "he definitely has something going on that we need to figure out." REALLY-?? That is a complete shocker to me. So, until we know what's up they started him on antibiotics...which may cause diarrhea. Great.

We are supposed to leave for a 10 hour car trip on Saturday. Hmmmm...wonder how that is gonna go.

And then she used her magical powers to produce food.

Don't hold me to the "kind" of bean...but, the Princess - who apparently has magical powers - grabbed some of the DRIED beans out of my cupboard...

This is a story of The Princess and the Bean. These beans (a mixture of navy, kidney, white, and brown) were purchased at the store 3 years ago, taken out of the bag, placed in a jar, and left for dead. Until one day a Princess came along and saved them from certain death. She took them to the yard. Her favorite spot is a quiet little place beside the swing-set that is only dirt. A perfect square of dirt. Nothing grows here...not grass, not weeds, not the garden attempt of the King and Queen...nothing. Untill...the Princess placed an old, dried, Wal-mart bean in the little patch of dirt. And under the tender care of the Princess...one day this happened.


So the question now is...what in the ---- ummm, world kind of bean is it?

***For those of you who remember this is also the little plot of ground that was a mud lake not too long ago.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's off to work I go...

I'm dressed in scrubs. For the record, I forgot how totally comfortable these things are. Why don't we all wear these? I've got my stethoscope and favorite pens in my pocket. My kids are headed to safe and fabulous childcare (I'd link ya Casey, but I don't have time this morning to remember how...I'll edit later).

I get to be a nurse for the entire day!! I did it yesterday - gave some shots and the patients said, "thank you." I about swallowed my own tongue. Did they actually say THANK YOU??? Without being asked to say thank you? This job is a blast.

Don't get me wrong, I love to be home with my little monsters...errrr...ummm...I mean angels. But for the past couple of days we have all benefited from a little change of scenery.

So, I'm heading out with a smile on my face and a little bit of fear that I might do something totally uncool in public. Because, let's be honest...after 7.5 years at home with small kids, I may scratch my boob or pass a little gas without even thinking about it.

I'm speechless!!!

Thanks to Jen, I got me an "official" award! It's so purty and colorful and it makes me famous-er.

Joking aside, I do feel honored because it's my first and because she is just so darn sweet! If you don't read her blog every day, you are missing out.

So here it is...ain't it a beaut?


It's been quite the week, what with all of the hormonal mood swings that go from suicidal to homicidal, hemorrhaging (sorry about that TMI), headaches, and heat. For the L.O.V.E...it is HOT out there. This award could not have come at a better time. So thanks Jen!!

News

Garage sale: good.

Mood: tired, happy, content

Financial Status: Better than we were on Thursday...thanks to garage sale.

Junk Status: Getting there, but still too much

Ok, that's the report from the sale. In other news...the Princess had her first ever sleep-over away from home. Her report was: "mommy, I loved everything about it and I didn't miss you at all...that's why I hid when you came to get me."

I was not offended.

I told her I missed her while she was gone but between you and me...pshaaa.

See, I have this friend that is one of my "barn-building friends" and her daughter and my daughter are best friends. This friend of mine will never, never, never know the true blessing she is in my life, but the fact that her family has embraced the Princess and loved her is more than I can express in words. Any-who the Princess had a very royal time at her sleep-over.

And....last but not least, I will be re-entering the workforce on Monday. WOW!! Yep, it's true. I will be going to work on Monday morning at a Doctor's office to help out a bit. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

Babble from a bleary eyed girl...

We are having a garage sale - first evahhhhh in my entire life. I will post pictures of the two - 2 car garages that we have filled with items for sale. It's unbelievable! I have literally been working for hours and hours to get this whole thing ready. It's great. It's part of the great awakening and budget restructuring. But I'm tired. whew.

I have these two friends. Our kids are in the same grade and we became friends very, very quickly when our kids entered kindergarten. I can NOT tell you how much fun I have with these two girls. Well, the other night we got together for snacks, etc. at the house of the "my husband is out of town so come over!" friend, and we sat and talked and laughed from 7:30 until 2:30 A.M.!!!!!!!!!!!! And even that wasn't enough time. Again, I'm tired.

I had a migraine complete with a visual aura last night. ARGHHHHHHH. Those stupid things stop me dead in my tracks for quite awhile and I'm still feeling the post-drugged feeling. Did I mention that I'm tired?

Do you remember...

Do you remember when we discovered "some" pee in my son's closet and bedroom?

Do you remember HOW much trouble he got into? You may not, but he does (and so does his sister).

Do you remember we had to rip out carpet pad and carpet and PAY to have someone re-carpet part of his room.?

Do you have any guesses about what a 7 year old sister might do if pissed enough at her brother that her entire motivation was to "get him into big trouble for being so mean to me"??? In case you didn't notice the quotes, that is a direct quote.

If you guessed peeing in his closet... Well, you'd only be half right. Cause, honestly, if peeing gets you into BIG trouble, leaving behind a pile of pooh would mean big business!

I could not make this stuff up. It's true. Just ask the princess because what she lacks in good decision making...she more than makes up for in honesty.

A couple of things I now know about me...

1. I tend to become a little fixated on the left-over pasta salad in the fridge. I have now eaten if for breakfast, lunch and supper - two days in a row. Seriously.

2. My garage has become the pit of Hell. I am getting ready for my first EVVAHHHH garage sale. I have a 7 year old and I have never had a garage sale. That means 1 trillion outfits, 1 gazillion child/toy/educational items, etc., etc., etc.,

3. I like cocktails.

the end

Yeah, um-hum, right....

And then he scratched her face for "touching him" and then she bit him for scratching her face. That's more like it...

A little family photo time, awwww!

Dear 19 year old boy,

Yes, you! The one who rang my doorbell this morning. I am not so impressed by you.

First, the "jumping out of your car and smiling and waving across the street at NOBODY" was not a good sales tactic for you to do in my driveway. Here's why...you were waving at no one. I know this because, well...I have eyes and because I know who is home in this neighborhood at what times. So right away, you are irritating me.

Second, getting out of your car with a big bag and papers, etc., etc. did not sit well with me. I can spot a college age-summer job-get a real job-kid selling magazines, encyclopedias, or learning systems a MILE AWAY. I'm sorry for you that you pulled into my driveway.

Third, I was on the phone.

Forth, when you did NOT introduce yourself immediately but rather started with my kids names, ages and the school they attend claiming to know my family and about my family...well that just ticks me off. I'm guessing that you figured that out at this point, huh?

Fifth, when I asked you what you were selling and you denied selling ANYTHING and would not simply say quickly and without all of the crap jargon why you were on my porch...well, now I was loosing my patience with you.

Sixth, when you continued to ask me the same question over and over I began to count to 10 silently in my head.

Seventh, when someone says "no thanks, I'm not interested but have a nice day," you should leave - right then.

Eighth, you should be thankful that I had just put on a bra and a respectable t-shirt rather than the outfit I was wearing just 15 minutes before you showed up at my door. Because, quite honestly, the only reason I was even polite (which is a stretch-right, Rhonda?) is because I was at least dressed.

Sincerely,
Jamie

p.s. next summer I recommend skipping my house.

A little alone time...

So my dad and Princess Moves a Lot are taking a bug class this weekend. I tagged along to hang out at the hotel pool with a good book and some sun. We arrived yesterday and the Princess and I went swimming for a bit before they left for the bug class.

Here are a few details about my surroundings that may prove to be important details:
~The town we are in is 1.5 hours away from home
~The state mental hospital is here
~The town is SMALL. I mean - no Wal-mart, no DQ, no McDonald's small.
~There is an Alco and an antique store
~There are 3 hotels in this town
~When we arrived, the Princess said, "Why are all of the doors of this hotel on the outside of the building?'

So, my bug-crazed family members left at 4:00 p.m. and I was alone - aaaahhhhh! - sweet solitude. It was 100 degrees outside so I got my book and my phone and laid down on a chair beside the pool. At 6:00 p.m. my sweet husband called (from our home) to the local Pizza Hut and had a pizza and diet coke delivered to me, pool-side, with the tip included. All I had to do was say thank you! I ate and read and did a little swimming until 8:00 p.m. I came into our room, took a shower and watched a movie. The fam. showed up at 10:30. With jars of B.U.G.S! Big huge moving bugs in bottles. They come walking into the hotel room as if...AS IF there is room in this place for us (namely me) and 25 jumping bugs. The thing is, I'm not so prissy that I refuse to be around bugs. It's just that they refused to be ignored - these bugs. It's not like we could just put them in the corner. Oh no! The moment you turned your back, they all started to move and jump and bang themselves against the sides of the bottles. It was awful. I considered sleeping in the car. After much talking and reasoning and a slightly odd analogy about taking 15 people and piling them all on top of one another on a small bed and then cutting off their oxygen supply, the Princess decided to allow Papa to release the bugs. I'm sure the hotel is lovin' us today!

Sleep was an illusive creature last night - but I was not worried because the forecast was 87 degrees and sun. I knew that if I could make it through the night I had an entire day to spend lounging by the pool sleeping and reading. I may have just been too excited to sleep.

At 7:00 a.m. I woke up to thunder...??? What? I immediately realized that I was mistaken and it was only a motorcycle - right? Nope. Thunder, along with rain and cold. Not exactly pool-lounging weather. But no worries, I was sure that it was a quick storm and would soon blow over. We walked across the parking lot to breakfast and the rain drops fell so hard and fast that my coffee splashed out of my cup and burned my hand. Hmmm...? This day is gonna be interesting. My dad and the Princess left at 8:30 (with the car). My dad left me with a map of the town (as if...) and the good news that I would need to check out of the room at noon, but the lady at the desk said I could sit in the lobby until he came to pick me up after the class ends AT FOUR O'CLOCK.

So now? I am sitting in my room watching it rain...clutching my map in one hand...my overnight bag in the other...hoping that Alco has some good sales today. And, I'm realizing that the state mental hospital is just down the street. Wonder if they've got a room...

Reading Frenzy

I'm not all that great at balance. I get into these ruts and seem to hook into one thing and exhaust myself and then I move on to the next "thing". So right now, it's a reading frenzy. I am reading everything I can grab. I have to make the most of the mood because in no time at all I won't be interested in picking up a book.

This reading frenzy is fiction. Yesterday I finished "Plainsong" by Kent Haruf. It was amazing. The story is very simple and sweet. I'm not sure what drew me into this novel but in the first chapter I was hooked. If you have a day or two, grab it and settle in.

Today I'm reading "Water for Elephants". This is NOT the type of book I usually pick up, but I'm devouring it just the same. If you've read it - I'd love to hear what you think.

In other news:...

Um, well...errrr. There is no other news.

Hugs and kisses!

My friends...

I am so blessed to have an awesome group of friends. I love each of them dearly and they fill the spaces in my life with great things. One of the ways that I try to be a friend to these amazing women is to pray for each of them. So check out this list...these are some of my closest friends on this earth:

~One is going thru a divorce
~One is preparing her family of 5 to move across the country...her husband has already gone ahead of them to start the job...she is alone for at least a month with her 3 kids
~One just called off her wedding
~One just welcomed 2 new babies into her family (a niece and a nephew) that are still in ICU
~One is in the middle of a whole house makeover. This means that her family of 6 is living in the basement (dorm style) getting high on fumes of paint and stain.
~One is celebrating her b-day - married to a farmer - at the beginning of harvest! Knowing that today is the last free day until the rains come down or the wheat is all harvested!

If you didn't make my list today, it's not because I don't love you equally...it's because your life is not in the midst of crisis. Count your blessings!

Funny pretend play

So the Princess and Prince have been finding each other's company very enjoyable lately. I mean they still attempt to beat the snot out of each other daily, but when they tire of that...they play really, really well together.

As I am typing right now, they are happily playing and chatting to each other in the next room. I am willing the play to continue because it's so fun for me to hear (and also because I don't have to do anything but sit and smile).

They have this way of playing that I think is really bizarre. Here's a sample:

Princess: "Pretend the knight says to the other knight, 'you need to take cover'"

Prince: "You need to take cover!" "Pretend he says 'run, run it's coming'"

Princess: "Run, run it's coming" "Pretend he says 'I think we are safe'"

Prince: "I think we are safe"

And on and on and on. It's two little people fulfilling each other's dreams. Every time I hear one of them say "pretend he says..." and then the other actually says the "..." part - I laugh out-loud. It's strange I think, but it's all mine!

Let me introduce you to my family...

I've been trying to come up with some cute names for the fam. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and be pretty original. So...let me introduce you to:

Princess Moves a lot


AND

Prince Talks a lot (a.k.a. Yeah-but)


These two subjects of royal descent bow to no-one INCLUDING their King.

King Smiles a lot (I think it's because he gets to work away from the Palace on a regular basis)


And the Most Royal of all of the subjects

Queen It's all about me...A Lot

Jack-Pot

This was a little Father's Day scavenger hunt that we did together. The kids followed him around as he found clues and laughed at each one. What a good daddy!
These 2 kiddos don't have any idea how blessed they are to have a dad like this one. He is amazing.

I'm fine

The weekend was fine.
No blog-worthy issues.
I have no reason to feel like this.
No one is sick.
I am tired.
Actually exhausted is more like it.
I can hardly get out of bed.
When I do - it's hardly worth it.
I sit and do nothing.
Did I mention how tired I am?
I am even too tired to write...or read.
Wish I was too tired to eat.
It's all I seem to be interested in.
This is not gonna turn out well.

When I prayed for a girl

Before she came into my life I prayed for this girl. I dreamed of the pink, the sparkly, the girly, the dresses, the makeup, the jewelry.

Never in a thousand prayers did I say, "Dear God please protect her when she descends up to her knees and elbows in a pit of mud and pulls out some living creature that has yet to be discovered on planet earth."

Unbridaled Talent

Cause sometimes you're just to busy to worry about the details...

Do you know...

What happens when a 4 year old stops the sink from draining and turns on the water - high, shuts the bathroom door and forgets about it all for at least 30 minutes?

Well, it's not good...for the bathroom or the 4 year old.

True story and it happened at my house. We discovered it with an inch on water on the bathroom floor. The water had run out of the bathroom and into the surrounding rooms - which are carpeted. And the cherry on top of this entire delicious moment was the waterfall that was happening from the basement ceiling.

My parents happened to be here and I simply turned to my mom and said, "could you get him (the 4 year old) away from me." She did.

The thing is...I have been accused of watching my kids too close and checking on them too often. I am not a mother who just lets them do whatever. And still...they are slowly taking years off of my life with all of their escapades. If you need me - check Cabo, cause I'm heading back on the next plane.

While we were out...

So the other part of a vacation away from home and kids is that there are more blogging opportunities. When we got home on Friday night at 1 a.m. we walked into our kitchen to see a note laying on the table. The top part, written in my mother's handwriting said..."800-get-help" the bottom part, written in my daughter's handwriting said..."I love you nana." This was interesting to come home to...

Turns out, my daughter pushed the home alarm button that immediately summoned the police and sounded the alarm at our house for a LONG, LONG time. My one oversight...I did NOT leave the alarm code. "800-get-help" is the number to our alarm company. "I love you nana" is an apology from a very sad 7 year old. Two police officers at my house later all is well! =)

My kids spent the week playing outside...being spoiled by a team of very awesome people...collecting spiders (I'm quickly putting a stop to that activity)...VBS...gymnastics...and NOT missing their parents. All in all - a good week.

More fun...

I'm trying to decide if I loved the R&R the best or the clothes! It's a toss up...

Tuesday night was the awards banquet. All dressed up and fabulous food. This was the night I decided to check out real-estate in Cabo.

And then, my camera ran out of batteries. So many other people with us were snapping pictures that we just went with it. So, I'm waiting on more pictures. I'll post as soon as they arrive.

Cabo Baby!

At the airport at 7 a.m. - barely awake - getting ready to head to Mexico for a week! The kids were safely tucked in their beds at home with nana and papa filling in for the week. At this point, I was not excited about the trip.

And then this...95 degrees on the beach. Ummmm, getting a little more excited. We arrived in Cabo without any problems. The resort was beautiful. The first day we checked in, toured the resort, hit the fitness center, then the pool, dinner overlooking the sea and tucked in bed - exhausted!

Monday: This trip was for hubby's work so we registered and grabbed some breakfast. Headed to the beach and settled in for the day! My hubby did a little body surfing while I did a little NOTHING! Met a really cool girl and laid by the beach and chatted. That evening we went to a welcome dinner by the pool.

Tuesday: Beach, massage...which was heaven, lunch, and a wild game of water volleyball! I think this became my favorite activity!

Resting up after vacation!

Hey all! It's Saturday. We are home and reconnecting with our kids and our washing machine! I have so much to tell you. Our trip to Cabo was AMAZING! As soon as I tuck the kiddos in tonight - I'm gonna belly up to the computer and start at the beginning.

A letter to my girl...

Dear Daughter,

You are 7 and you just finished your last day of 1st grade. I wish that you could, just for one day, live in my head and understand how much effort and love we have poured into you during this school year. I want you to have this information - not so that you are grateful - I want you to know that we love you more than I ever thought it possible to love another human being. I do not need thanks or affirmation for the energy I put into your precious life. Just being your mom is a gift.

Here's the thing little one - I need you to know how much I love you so that you won't freak out and require even more therapy when you find out, someday, that mommy occasionally needs to vent a little bit about you.

Today was the awards assembly at school. It's this big deal at your school and all the kids, parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. are in the room. I am so proud of the girl that you are. You have learned so much and grown so much. If I spend much time thinking about all that we've been through in your little life, I am amazed at who you are today. Your teachers stood on stage with you and gave you the Generosity Award because you are always sharing yourself - your food - your things - your hugs - your kisses. You also are the "kisses WITH almonds" of the class. You are sweet and loving and a little nutty on the inside! =) The awards were perfect for you. And you, my darling, stood on stage and tapped your foot until they asked you not to...but you did not stop. You waved constantly at me and your brother. You messed with your tights under your skirt. You picked up glitter stars off of the stage when you were supposed to be waiting in line. You kissed your teacher while she was talking. You jumped behind another teacher while she was telling the audience about your award. You ran off of stage too soon and raced across the front the of the audience and to the back to find me, when you were supposed to sit in your seat on the front row. And you were the only 1st grader to leave early...just because. Truthfully, it's all O.K. with me. I love you in spite of all the nuttiness. But my heart is torn. I watch your behavior in public and I wonder if people will ever get the chance to see you for you. I wonder if most people see you and think you are being "naughty." I wonder if people see that you are happy! I wonder if people look at your beautiful face and are able to see the hand of God in every aspect of your life. The truth is, baby girl, they may not. They may never. It may always feel like an uphill battle in some ways.

So, just in case you ever wonder...this is what I want you to be sure of. I prayed for you. I begged for you. I chose you. The day that we adopted you was one of THE. MOST. AMAZING. DAYS. OF. MY. LIFE. You were the easiest baby I have ever known. You smiled and laughed early and you haven't stopped! You have the gift of creativity and endless energy. You have the gift of ADHD - but it won't feel like a gift a lot of the time. You also have a strong will and a sure sense of what you want. You think outside of the box. You believe that people are good. You think that all creation has worth. You love with your whole heart - even when it's not returned to you in full measure. You laugh with your whole body and you don't care who's watching. You don't waste your time with lies because you are not afraid of the truth. And you have an army of people behind you that know you and love you just as you are. You will have days when it will seem that the rest of the world is so much bigger than your own personal army...but just remember, what we may lack in number we more than make up for in power!

I love you!

All in the family

Summer is a short 24 hours away! I can smell it. The sleeping in, the fighting, the pjs until lunch, the swimming pool. Ahhhh...

In the news around here:

~my daughter did in fact show her nipples in school...to her teacher...during spelling...because, unfortunately, the spelling word was bottle and the teacher used bottle in a sentence that my daughter decided was partially false. "The mommy feeds the baby a bottle of milk." Uh, no - "actually (fully displaying her nipples) they feed their babies with these...but mine are totally too small for some baby to suck on."

~my daughter also dropped her shorts and peed on the playground yesterday. she did walk around to the side of the building but some kids saw and so did a teacher. ooops. my kid claims that she wasn't gonna make it to the bathroom and she also adamantly claims that when she is camping she pees outside and somehow that makes it ok at school. hmmmm...

~the hostile take-over has resulted in the sale of my Sequoia and the purchase of a Camry - used - lots of miles - cheap!

~cable is going, going, gone...my son is so confused about his place in this world now.

~I spent a couple of hours in the middle of the night walking the halls of my house because my uterus was trying to see just how much pain I could actually handle without passing out. I won, but it was quite the battle. During my time awake I started worrying about the upcoming trip to Cabo. What if it sucks? What if we get sick - in Mexico? Why do fears always seem so much worse at night?

Ok, internet, that's all I got for ya today.

The Great Awakening and the hostile take-over pt. 2

Okay, I'm kidding about the hostile take-over. It's not hostile and it's not a take-over. But it's funny, right?

So today was a B.I.G. day for us around these parts. And by big, I do not mean fun-big. We met with our banker...who is also a friend...who is also very wise...who is also very conservative with money...who is also happy to give us great advice instead of a stroke when he looks at our finances. So we opened Pandora's box and it may not be good.

I seriously have spent many, many years of my marriage with my eyes closed tight and my hands over my ears whenever my hubby started to talk about money. I worked for the first few years and once our daughter was born I quit to stay home with her. I have contributed to the income and I contributed to the debt. So I am taking full responsibility. So is my hubby. Seems fair.

The other day I opened my eyes and took my hands away from my ears and grabbed all of the finances and started to scream...one long and loud blood-curdling scream. It's not like we cannot fix the problems - we can. But I am more of an instant gratification girl. I want it fixed now. I want to hear of a need in my community and be able to help financially in some way. I want to take a few vacations with my kids and let them have some cool experiences that they cannot have in our small community. I hope to be able to help when they want to go to college. I would love to not have the weight of debt hanging over my husband's shoulders so heavy that he looses his footing from time to time. I am a decision maker and I don't look back. I like to keep things organized. I can fix problems. It's not gonna be fun - but it will be fine and in the end so much better.

Phase one involves:
~ a very strict budget. Quicken and I are gonna become best friends.
~Decreasing every monthly bill by at least some money...utilities, tv, phone, gas, food, entertainment
~changing the way we live and the choices we make...drastically

Stay tuned.

Me and crazy don't work

I don't do crazy with a whole lot of patience. I am good at it - lucky me. But I've got my limits.

Crazy called one too many times yesterday and snapped my last nerve in half. Does that mean that I'm stressed? Nope. Does it mean that I'm tired? Nope. Does that mean that I'm coming undone and cannot take one more thing? Nope. It's not any of that. Frankly, it might be a relief to my husband and my mother if I responded like that to crazy. But I'm not wired that way. It only makes me ready for the fight.

So if you are crazy and you happen to be reading this - it's not lookin' good for you. Just sayin'

It's so boring it's almost not worth the post.

I'm exhausted. Not just any kind of exhausted, but the mind numbing, body aching, eye squinting kind of exhausted. Ick.

The last couple of days have been really low on the continuum that is my life. My preference is funny and easy...those kind of days rank HIGH. All other options just don't.

My hubby took the day off yesterday kind of by accident. His day got started late due to a little incident at my daughter's school. The school is about a 15 minute drive from our house and he had just returned home from dropping her off for the day when the phone rings. Turns out (for reasons unknown to us) she has gotten her jeans all wet from the toilet. Hmmmm? But good thing she had on her silky pj pants under her jeans (again, hmmmm?) so she was patiently sitting in class in her pj bottoms until we could bring her some different pants. The actual story is, apparently it's kind of funny to wear your pj bottoms under your jeans when you are in first grade. And if...you "accidentally" fall in the toilet and get your pants wet then you get to wear said pj bottoms to class...which tops the kid who just wore the pjs under his pants all day. Mission accomplished.

After my hubby returned from his second round trip to daughter's school I suggested that he just play hooky and hang out with me and our little guy all day. I didn't have to ask him twice. And then (again for reasons unknown to me) we got started setting up a new budget...which led to budget talk...which led to what can only be described as a hostile take-over on my part. Hubby has been doing the money management for the 11 years of our marriage and it's been a breeze for me. Well, that has come to a sudden death. I will now be co-managing the money and by co-managing I mean he will earn it and I will do the rest. Life as we know it has just ended and for good reason.

I have thrown myself full throttle into an exercise program. It's painful and ultimately disappointing. I still had to squeeze into my jeans last night. But if my goal was to cause my legs and butt to scream in pain all day and all night - I've managed to more than accomplish that goal. In fact going up to my bedroom on the second floor has to be a matter of life and death because walking the stairs is not worth it for frivolous reasons. And sitting down...well it's over-rated. I'm fine with eating standing bellied up to the bar. And frankly, boys are not the only gender that can master standing to pee.

And finally, my last bit of completely random updates is the haircut I just accomplished on my son. I have scissors and clippers and a deck. What I don't have is $12.00. So today I became mommy barber. I am NOT a fan of the "buzz-cut" and thus refuse to shave it off as easy as that would be. It took 33 minutes, crying (him), screaming (him), yelling (me), ice-cream (him), and liqueur (me)...but it's done and it looks...well, shorter. The end.

A weekend to remember!

(Disclaimer - What you are about to read may sound like I am complaining. I am not. Just listing the facts as I see them. As to my emotional health - well, I'm medicated.)

Saturday night we were invited to a dinner party with some friends. It was fun, mostly. Well, except for the part when I started laughing so hard I SPIT my drink out of my mouth and showered the entire table with it. That part was pretty awesome. Especially because out of the other 6 people at the table I really only knew 2 AND because everyone had on suits and dresses AND because I know that today a few people are talking about the girl that sprayed the table with spit. Good thing the bread was covered.

And then there was Mother's Day. The one day out of the year to celebrate our Mothers. What a great idea. My husband went shopping...alone...the day before. I didn't tell him to take the kids and so he didn't. It might have been nice, but they can learn about Mother's Day next year or something like that.

Oh, but back to the day. I woke up to a "Happy Mother's Day, we got you a coffee!!" from my kids. And they asked me to check my phone because they left me a text message. (a little weird, but cute). So I climbed off the couch (I had spent the night on the couch because I had regular coffee at the dinner party and I was up until 4 a.m.) for my McDonalds coffee. Nothin' says love like McDonalds.

For lunch my mother and I cooked an awesome meal...for each other...and my husband and my dad liked the idea so much they joined us. They even said how great everything tasted. After lunch my husband asked when it would be a good time to deliver the gift HE. HAD. SHOPPED. FOR. THE. DAY. BEFORE. TO. HIS. MOTHER. Still no gift for me. I mean it's fine. It's mother's day and I'm not his mother. I get the concept. But technically, my kids can't read, write, drive, or shop - so I'm thinking that the whole mother's day thing has to be taught to them by their father (or as in my case, by my mother - next year).

Okay, so in case you think my hubby is a total looser (which he is not - even close) he did let me have the day off of parenting...mostly. I got to lay around and watch TV. He went and got Dairy Queen for me! And at 10:30 p.m. he made a mad dash to Wal-mart and showed up with an armband for my ipod and an itunes gift card. Awwww, and I was totally not expecting anything.

Going to the chapel

She's all grown up. For the past 6 years she has been virtually my only non-family babysitter. Then we became great friends. Then she met a boy. Then she got a big - 'ole ring to put on her finger. Then she asked ME to be her matron of honor at the wedding. I can't wait!!!

Isn't she gorgeous-??



p.s. And I promise to still love her even though there is a chance that she is putting me in a dress that will blow up above my chin if it's windy and if it's not windy, me and my stick-ons' may not be able to fill the top out completely. So in either case it could be quite the show.

I think our kids are lucky to have us!

A story an hour

With this particular 7 year old girl living at my house, I really do have a story an hour.

We have these neighbors that have been working and working in their backyard for a couple of years now. One of the new additions they have made is a goldfish pond. They should have considered a fence. Poor people.

A few days ago I sent my kiddo out to play in the backyard. I meant OUR backyard and she believes that the world is her backyard. We're working on it. Anyway, she happily played on the swing, in the sand, under the tree, in the dirt, on the slide...you get the point. I know all of this because I check on her - a lot. So you can imagine my surprise when I went to check on her and she had vanished. I called her name - no answer. I called again - no answer. I bellowed her name so as to reinforce my psycho parenting skills for all of the neighborhood to hear. She came running...from the neighbor's backyard...carrying her full-sized with a lure and a hook fishing pole. Oh, crap! When I asked her what she was doing...her reply, "I was trying to catch a fish from the neighbor's pond."

Daddy I have a few questions...

Uhhhh...oh no! The dreaded beginning of what would prove to be better than SNL re-runs!

Last night a bit past bedtime a storm rolled in. Ahhhh, Kansas storms - always proving to bring excitement to my life. Last night my daughter decided to join me in bed because of all of the thunder. She and I cuddled up together and my hubby walked into the room to say goodnight. Bad move on his part!

My daughter immediately said, "daddy what are these called?" as she sits up in bed and pulled her nightgown up to her chin and points to her n.i.p.p.l.e.s. Yep, here is comes.

My husband, trying to hide his shock and frankly...fear, said, "I'm not sure what girls call them."

To which I replied, "they're called nipples."

And my obviously relieved husband said, "yeah, they're called nipples."

My daughter was NOT finished. She followed it up with, "then what are they called when they get bigger?"

To which my husband replied, "ummm, bigger nipples?" (as if it were a trick question)

I ruined the very straight forward conversation with raucous laughter. Couldn't help it. I nearly peed myself. Once I finally got control, I informed my daughter that they were called breasts. She was unfazed. My husband was completely freaked out and quickly said to my daughter, "I'm just a guy I don't really know these kinds of answers." That couldn't be any more true.

Just wonderin'

The forthcoming Cabo trip has only served to increase my awareness of, let's just call them THINGS. Or maybe it's cause I'm 31. Or maybe it's cause...

O.k. anyway:

1. My body is reshaping itself and this thing appeared around my middle like a ring of "what the heck is this because it's making me crazy." You may know it by one of these names: love-handles, muffin-top, inter-tube, etc., etc. Looks great in a swimming suit and a sun-dress though.

2. Ummm, am I growing a beard?

3. What happened to my feet? My toenails used to be beautiful. I could doll them up with a little shiny pink and go for the entire summer. I used to only have 10 toenails and now, seriously, I have 13. Apparently divide and conquer is the new motto. Three, yes I said 3, of my toes are going more than one nail. And what used to be soft, supple skin on my feet has left the building and in it's place, I have skin that needs a long sweet drink of water.

I'm stopping there because I've had just about enough and I'm guessing the same goes for you!

A new generation

My 7 year old daughter's teacher stopped me today to tell me a funny, funny story!

Miss W. (teacher) is struggling with some congestion and on Monday she started to loose her voice. One of the boys in the class commented that it was hard to hear her and maybe she should go get a drink. Miss W. said she was fine and continued to teach. Pretty soon a little hand went in the air. It was my kiddo - fully apart of a new generation - and she said, "Miss W. I really think you need to go get a drink, it's hard to hear you cause you are cuttin' in and out."

Los Cabos

I'm just gonna start talking about it now - so that I might be ready to actually pack my bag when the time comes.

My husband and I are going to Cabo. There I said it - in writing - I cannot take it back.

Thing is, I'm not excited. Sound stupid..? I know.

I've been thinking about it a little and here's the truth. (Joanna - no comments please). I love the beach. I love to swim. I love to eat out. I love to get away. I might actually enjoy spending time with my husband. But...and there is a big but here (not that kind of butt, but that too) I DO NOT LIKE TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO. This trip to Cabo is a company trip. They tell us when to arrive, where to stay, what to do, where to eat, even what to wear on some evenings, when to leave, etc., etc. I don't want to do what "they" say. That's it. It's that simple. I'm a brat. My mother is so proud.

Kicking it in to gear.

My job is beginning to require something out of me that I'm not sure how to do. See, I know how to "do" the baby stage. I am good with babies, baths, diapers, the "I'm gonna getchu" game. I can put a baby on a schedule and stick with it. I can fix bottles, sippy cups, pack a great diaper bag, and on and on and on until...

My children get big and need me to teach them how to behave and then, well...I'm out. I got nothin'.

My son is the child that is filling my time with parenting questions today - I'm guessing because my daughter is at school and in all honesty, she is hard in an entirely different sort of way.

Here's the thing with my boy. First, he's 4. I love my son. He lights up my world in a way that is unique to him alone. He laughs big and gives great hugs. He talks a lot and for that I am grateful. But he's 4 - and I'm not really that fond of the age...just sayin'.

He is not a man of great variety and so right now at any given moment, he is doing one of two things...both of which are "teachable moments."

1. He is a little fixated on the p.e.n.i.s. Holding it, moving it, or talking about it. It's a blast!

2. He calls everyone we meet, see, or get anywhere close to names. Mostly goof-ball (thanks a lot papa), stinker, or baby. I know he is trying to make people laugh. And for the most part folks are being pretty good natured about it. But, what he doesn't know is - WHEN.TO.QUIT.THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH. I know that when he is 16 and driving and interested in girls, etc. etc. I will wish for the days that he was just calling names. I understand that on the grand scheme of things this is just a moment in time. But COME ON!!! The child is basically a tiny little jerk any time we get close to another human. Because, what people don't know (and I do) is that the reason he says goof-ball or stinker is because he hasn't learned butt-head.

Here's my brain on the fumes of old pee

So first, I throw up a little bit in my mouth. And then...

this:

**notice the giant PEE stains

**to say that I forced my husband's hand to actually FIX the "smells like complete crap" room, is an understatement.

**and this stain, well it's NOT pee, it's liquid pooh. As in montezuma's revenge.

**I have this thing about nasty...it belongs somewhere else.

**Now my son's bedroom looks like this. =)

Life as I know it...

Good morning mom (cause I’m guessing by this point you are the only person that checks my blog). I haven’t felt much like posting lately, not sure why. But I will give you a little bit of insight into my life as a crowned princess.

My son’s room smells like straight pee. Turns out, he has been peeing in and around his closet because, he doesn’t “exactly know where the bathroom is.”

I’ve tried scrubbing it with various products and now today I’ve decided that I’m gonna get after it with vinegar and water. Because pickled pee is better to smell than just straight pee.

FUN!!!!

One of my best friends is here from North Carolina with her hubby and 3 kids. In addition to my fam. of 4, that equals a houseful of FUN!

I'll be back soon...

Heaven

4 year old: "Daddy, where do people go when they die?"

Dad: "I believe that we go to Heaven."

4 year old: "I want to go to Heaven because do you think maybe in Heaven I can drink juice and not get diarrhea?"

Dad: "That's EXACTLY what Heaven is like, there is no diarrhea in Heaven."

4 year old: "Is there any poop or pee-pee in Heaven?"

Dad: "Well, I'm not sure about that."

On a disgusting note

I have started tanning a little bit because...well, I tell people it's because I am going to Mexico in June (which is true) and I want to make sure that I don't burn on my first day in Mexico.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...tanned fat looks way better than white fat.

My first day in the tanning bed I laid there for 2 minutes and I was pink...shut-up.

My second day in the tanning bed I laid there for 5 minutes and I am now covered from my neck to my...ehem...upper thighs with heat rash. It's not on my back at all so I am sure that it's not from unclean tanning beds. It's truly because I am so pasty white that in 5 minutes of UV light exposure my skin freaked out and completely rebelled against me. It's super sexy.

Pouch-schooling

I did something yesterday that I've never done before. I kept my daughter home from school - perfectly healthy - as a punishment. See, she was having a bad morning - like out of her head and out of control bad morning that started at 5 a.m.!!!

Here's the deal with staying home on a school day...it's NOT a fun thing. We did school - at home. We started at 7 a.m. and this was the day:
~art project (that ended up taking ALL DAY but she was only allowed to work on it in between other subjects
~writing a letter to a friend
~addition and subtraction with playing cards
~math sequencing with post-it notes on the windows
~the card game 21
~spelling word practice on the chalkboard door
~phonics worksheets
~identifying nouns, verbs, and adjectives in simple sentences
~PE (Papa came and got her and took her for a long walk...this was my favorite subject)
~a math worksheet that included addition, subtraction, telling time, and counting money
~finally, Nana read a few chapter out-loud from the Boxcar Children and the assignment was to draw a picture about the story and write one sentence about the story.
~whew.

She and I are both glad to report that she is back at school today and I am back to doing absolutely nothing.

S.O.S.

I'm reading books to help me see the "positive" side to high-spirited, passionate, and lively kids.

But today, in spite of all of my reading material...I'm having a rough day outlasting the constant-constant-constant-constant difficulty of it all.

When I'm in a better mood - I'll give ya a little taste. But reliving the drama right now if more than I can take.

Bullet Points

Because sometimes there is just NO other way to communicate.

●I was asked to be the Matron of Honor in my friend's wedding!! I am so excited, I'm already counting the days. This friend has been the babysitter for my kids, my neighbor, my workout partner, and close friend.

●One of my best friends from North Carolina and her family are coming to visit in just 5 days. The house has to be cleaned and groceries bought, etc., etc. But it's worth every minute.

●I have a haircut tonight. Honestly, it's more about getting out and having someone else wash my hair and chat with me than it is about the hair.

●Rock-Chalk-Jayhawk...K.U.!!!!! It's game day.

●The days are getting longer and the weather is getting warmer...which means camping season is right around the corner!

●I have a letter to appear for Jury duty this week.

●I may never get all of my laundry folded and put away. I'm considering telling the kids that we now dress and undress in the dining room and that YES the clothes do belong on the table.

Zoo-tastic!

We've become zoo-goers. We bought a zoo pass and since then have gone as often as humanly possible. Which includes yesterday and today so far this week.

Yesterday - with a class of first graders. You can imagine!

Today with my 4 year old, who was ticked that he didn't get to go yesterday, and my dad. Don't tell my daughter, but today was wayyyyyyy more fun!

The zoo isn't a success in my book if something crazy or just plan gross doesn't happen. In the past few zoo experiences, I've gone with a friend and I have witnessed a sheep ram my friend in the arse (is this a swear word? I think it's Irish for butt), a swan that was hissing and flapping it's wings chasing her 1 year old daughter, and standing immediately down-wind as a gigantic hog farted. It was Zoo-tastic!

Yesterday, on the field-trip, we got to see the chimps show-off and some major nose-picking/booger-eating from the gorillas. It was pretty cool!

But today I got to see a vicious cougar desperate to eat my 4 year old son. We were safe and the cougar was well caged...but still, it was a little creepy. We walked up to the cougar area and 2 cougars were laying around in the sunshine doing what most zoo animals do, acting incredibly bored. All of a sudden, one of the cougars saw my kid and stood up and began pacing back and forth in front of my son. As my son traveled the length of the exhibit the cougar followed right with him and when my son stepped up the glass, the cougar jumped up against the glass and stood on his back feet. He then began to hit at the glass and BITE at the glass with my son 3 inches away. We stood and watched him for a few minutes and the cougar never took his eyes off of my son. So now if you ask my son what the cougar was thinking at the zoo today, he says, "he wanted to eat me for lunch." True - so true.

Bubble what...???

I put on a pair of pants yesterday and they "fit" different than I remembered. So, I'm thinking - great...they are too tight. Good grief, I'm exercising like crazy.

And like any other married woman, I asked my husband, "do these pants look o.k.?"

To which he responded, "........................."

Typical. I know that he is thinking, oh crap! what do I say?

So when I push him a bit, he says, "your butt looks muscular."

Um, what????

"By muscular do you mean big?"

"............................................."

"Ok, you are gonna have to answer my questions now because I'm just not sure what you mean by muscular."

"..........................................."

"Oh, for crying out loud. Tell me what you are thinking."

"The pants look good er fine er nice."

"Should I just change? Are they too tight? What aren't you saying??"

"I've just never seen you with a bubbled out bottom before, it looks muscular."

"I.HAVE.A.BUBBLE.BUTT????"

To which my 4 year old son - who has been playing nearby - says, "mommy has a bubble butt - mommy has a bubble butt - mommy has a bubble butt."

Nice.

Few little bits -

It's been a few days full of happenings. So here goes...

Thursday morning my daughter's teacher had a baby. Sweet, tiny, and new. Ahhh, there truly is nothing better. The downside of a new baby is that apple-cart upset is an understatement. My daughter has loved this teacher. I have loved this teacher. And now our precious 1st grade teacher is a stay-at-home-mom. Enter new teacher. Begin melt-down for both me and my daughter.

Now, before you roll your eyes and think that I have lost my ever-lovin' mind over a teacher, let me explain. This teacher loves my kid. Not just a little, but completely and without conditions. She has become a second mother of sorts because she has spent the last several months working with me day by day to help my precious child learn not only to read and spell but she has been absolutely instrumental in helping my daughter to learn self-control, minding, patience, joy and many other positive character traits. In August, when I desperately needed a break from the intensity of raising this spirited kiddo, this teacher swooped in and offered me that break from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. five days a week. We talked DAILY about the current "issues" that ranged from focus problems in the classroom to self-esteem development to behavior modification techniques. It was a very cool partnership.

So back to Thursday and the birth of a new baby. The new teacher had been teaching for exactly 5 hours when the melt-down began for my daughter. She refused to mind the new teacher and the new teacher went toe to toe with my daughter. The rule is...if you pick a battle with my daughter, you have to (and I mean HAVE TO) win. My kiddo proceeded to cry for 20 minutes straight. I mean sobbing-crying. In the end she did what the teacher asked but not without pain and despair. As the teacher explained this to me after school that day, a little bit of my died inside as I realized that my daughter was crying tears of grief because what she really wanted was for that day to be like the day before with the same teacher and the same rules and the same security she had known for the last several months. New and change are very difficult for this kiddo.

I spent a lot of Thursday afternoon talking to and playing with my daughter. Friday was a better day at school. And thanks to a couple of really amazing friends, Friday was a better day at home as well. While my daughter was at school learning to adapt to change, I was at home sitting in my kitchen crying my eyes out to two very patient and loving friends who said all of the right things and gave me time to cry.

Sunday rolled around and we got an invitation to visit our precious teacher and her new baby. My daughter wasn't so sure she even wanted to go see the baby. I was shocked. After much talking and waiting, we did go and visit. There were lots of hugs and kisses and a big sigh of relief! And in the end - I think everything is gonna be all right.

Pain

Wow! The pain I feel as I fight the world on behalf of my daughter is actual physical pain. My eyes hurt from crying, my head hurts from drinking (kidding - sorta), my heart hurts just because, my stomach hurts from worrying, and my arms hurt because as hard as I try to keep her safe inside them - she has to go and grow up.

The lost decade...

It's a funny thing, being 31 years old with 2 small kids. I kind of have a feeling that I've lost some years in this vortex that is my life. It's not a complaint by any means. I know, I know - for laughs I usually down my gig here as mommy. But if you are a mother, you know how unTRUE that really is.

I love it, wouldn't go back (at least not for more than a night or two), 'nuff said.

Thing is, the lost years are really true. Technology blew past me when I was busy watching Barney and playing Candy-land. Music has all new names and faces because I've spent my car time singing "The Wheels on the Bus." Before I had small kids that took every moment of my day, people used to talk on the phone or e-mail in FULL words. Now we text in short-hand and say things like ttyl (which, for the record, I thought was a cute way of saying toodle until the moment I realized the real deal).

Oh, I used to be so cool. Right? But now, pop-culture is not even on the radar. I get it now...about my parents and how they came to know nothing. Sorry mom and dad. I used to think it was so weird that human beings that lived in this world didn't know every word to Walk Like an Egyptian, or how funny Dumb and Dumber was, or how to set the clock on a VCR. But now I get it...that was their lost decade.

Ok, so now I've gotta go b/c I need to find my daughter and have her set a new ringtone on my phone.

A few stats...

Number of puke buckets emptied: 6

Number of hours watching TV: 17 hours in a row

Number of kids home today: 2

Number of Motrin consumed in the last 12 hours: 8

Number of nerves I have left: 1

Spring Break Day #6

Me: Working all morning until early afternoon.

7 year old: Waiting for me to come home to PUKE!! thanks, hon!

Spring Break Day #5

Build a Bear - where I spent $$$ equal to a mortgage payment. I guess it's cheaper than a Spring Breat trip.

More cousin play!

And off to work for me - funny how work has become a mini-vacation! =) (shhhh, don't tell anyone I said that).

Spring Break Day #4

Calm, quiet morning...where did that come from??

I got the house picked up, laundry done, dishes unloaded and loaded, a SHOWER!!

This afternoon is cousin play.

Spring Break Day #3

The Zoo and a movie! It was a perfect day.

Spring Break Day #2

8:45 a.m.

Daughter is on the couch with a trash can at her side saying, "my tummy hurts really, really bad."

Son heads into the bathroom and I hear, "Oooopppps, sorry." I go into the bathroom to find him standing, facing the toilet, holding the lid up so he can pee and a pile of poop laying on the floor behind him.

I am a princess. I am a princess. I am a princess.

Spring Break Day #1

Awake at 7:00 a.m. I declared a NO tv day. That lasted until one puzzle was completed and one time out was issued - about 8:30 a.m.

Good thing she's so pretty...

We had a shower for my daughter's teacher today during school. We played two games and one was the baby picture game. Each student brought one of their baby pictures from home and we passed them around and asked all of the kids to right down who they thought it was. I think the parents had as much fun as the kids at guessing each sweet little baby.

There are only 3 girls in the class. I know I can see you cringing now, but really it's not that bad.

Anyway, the pictures were passed. When #5 came it was of my beautiful baby girl (made me miss her baby days). She took one look at the picture and with big wide eyes she said, "I know who that one is!!" Then...to one of the girls in her class she said, "hey, how do you spell your name?"

Confession

Sunday night - sick kiddo

Monday morning, day, night - sick kiddo

Tuesday morning, day, night - sick kiddo

Wednesday morning, day, night - sick kiddo

Mommy status: Crazy

I slept ALL night

4.5 years ago we added a master-bedroom onto our house complete with a really awesome ceiling fan. 4 years ago the ceiling fan stopped working. 1 year ago my son hit some magic button on the fan remote and the fan started working again. Oh, the JOY!! 1 year ago (about 15 minutes later) my husband pushed another button on the remote and the fan stopped working.

ARghhhhh.

This led to taking the fan completely apart and "fixing" it (wink, wink). It worked as it was hanging by a thread from my ceiling...but the moment he put it all back together again it stopped working. What in the...???

So, he determined that the fan had a bad wire and it needed to be replaced. Fine.

365 days later...he bought a new fan. No need to be impulsive.

Yesterday he began the "quick" process of putting up the new fan. It only took 3 hours! He installed it, pushed the button on the NEW remote and magic...it WORKS!!! His comment, "the new remote doesn't have one of those buttons on it to change the direction of the fan - that's good."

I went to take a shower. Within minutes my husband throws open the door to the bathroom and says, "I just tried the old remote and now the fan doesn't work!"

Oh, for the LOVE.

"Why did you try the old remote when the new remote worked just fine?"

"Because I just wanted to see if it would work?"

"But you just said that the new..."

"I KNOW, I KNOW, I'm an idiot!"

He grabs both remotes and slams the door and stomps down the stairs. Sexy.

On a whim he decides to check the fuse box. Guess what... No really, go on guess. Apparently there is a button the old remote that causes a fuse to blow. Which leads me to ask one question - but I'm not gonna.

My husband flipped the switch in the fuse box and the new fan works well. I grabbed the old remote and ran out the door, threw it in the driveway and backed over it with the car.

All is well in my world!

Tablespoon

Yep. Still a poop blog.

The nurse called and said that, "the sample in one of the bottles was not sufficient to perform the needed test."

Seriously???

So, I've just unscrewed the entire freaking toilet and I'm headed to the lab.

Fever, Coughs, and the ever present pooping party

If you want to read a blog that is filled with hope and beauty, you've come to the wrong place, my fiends. Run.Away.Fast.

It's lunchtime on Monday and I think I've already gagged 47 times - just today.

"Don't," you say. "Just stop there." "We get it - it's gross at your house."

But I must give you at least a little more info.

"Nooo, really it's ok," you say - as fear begins to rise in your voice a bit. You sense that you should stop reading now in case this gets too gross. But you read a little bit more to see, if perhaps it's MORE funny than it is gross.

And my response to your line of reasoning to continue reading is...YOU ARE AN IDIOT. There is NO WAY this is gonna be more funny than gross.

Here's how it goes down.

~Son spikes a fever last night, 102

~Both son and daughter coughing a lot

~Already planned to take son to Dr. this a.m. for lab work to figure out the ever present poop issues

~Call Dr. to get an appointment (as well as lab) to check out his lungs due to the cough and fever

~Drive daughter to school

~Daughter begins to cough in the car and then starts to make a "funny" noise in an effort to get my attention. I turn to look at her and it is clear that she has something in her mouth. I can tell it's not puke. Honestly, I would rather it be puke. My worst nightmare is coming true. It's...well, ahem...you know.

~I hand her a pile of kleenex.

~She spits.

~Then begins to comment.

~I try to stop her from looking and describing it.

~She will NOT be stopped.

~She says, "Oh it's green, why am I coughing up green?"

~I am gagging so hard that I cannot answer and I cannot see to drive the car.

~I pull up at school and kick her out, wishing her well at school - and warning her NOT to do that spit thing in front of her very, very pregnant teacher - poor thing.

~Son and I head to the Dr.

~Lots of people are sitting in the lab waiting room. Most are blowing their noses or should be blowing their noses.

~One old man smelled like poop - or worse.

~They call our name and draw 6 vials of blood from my son. Good grief!

~He screams and yells the entire time. Not really crying - mostly screaming, "Get away from me!"

~Next, they hand me a pack of bottles and labels. Explaining that this is the poop collection kit. Great.

~I promptly leave and go to McDonalds to get my son breakfast. Because when he eats, he poops.

~He eats.

~He needs to poop.

~I climb in the back-seat and have him poop in the collection "hat" they gave to us being careful to...well, just being careful.

~I clean him up and move him out of the way.

~I then begin the process of unscrewing each of 5 lids and scooping a tablespoon (as per the directions) of pooh in to each bottle. Yep - gagging.

~I need 5 1/2 tablespoons of poop to finish the collection process.

~My son pooped 4 1/2 tablespoons.

~My car stinks - bad.

~I am wearing gloves - for all of you wondering.

~Label and return all but one bottle - hoping that my son could poop one more tablespoon before we leave. He does not.

~Check in for Dr. appt.

~No pneumonia, maybe influenza.

~Leave with meds and a sucker.

~All is well.

My theory

I have very, very strong opinions. I have lots of theories. I am always right.

One of my many theories includes children's bedrooms. Here are the main points:

~It's their space

~They will eventually take care of their house when they grow up.

~They vacuum it once a week and if that includes vacuuming up crap on the floor...so be it.

~If it smells I close the door

~I fight too many battles each day to make cleaning a bedroom a battle

~Beds don't need to be made...it's a waste of time and energy.

That's my theory in a nutshell.

So...what did I do this afternoon? I walked past my daughter's room and almost had a stroke. I then cleaned it.

That's the problem with my theories. They suck.

I am SOOOO cool!

The Wailin' Jennys signed my shirt and I'm never taking it off!

O.k. I'm kidding - kinda.

The concert was awesome and the Jennys were fab. My friend and I had a great time being all cool...it comes pretty naturally.

There's a chance this will turn into a pooh blog

Betcha can't wait!

So, I talked to the Dr. today. Apparently when you are crazy (me) and ask a LOT of questions (me) then they (sweet nurses) hand the phone to the man in charge (Pediatrician). We had a nice chat all about my son's poop. At the end of the conversation he decided that he wanted to do a "work-up" aka someone (me) scooping pooh out of the toilet and putting it in my fridge. Nope, no chance in hell will I do that. I guess I can scoop it - but that's it - then it goes directly back to the lab.

Or better yet, I'll drop my son off at the lab with a big jug of juice, some cheerios, a corn-dog, and some fries. Then they can pack him full of food and wait the 39 seconds it take for the pooh to come a-fly-yin' - they can scoop it themselves and stick it in their fridge.

I think I'm on to something.

I'll keep you posted!

A future in Cosmetology??

This is a product of my daughter's creative side and my son's passive side.

I'm headin' to a concert

I can hardly contain myself! The Wailin Jennys are coming to town and I have tickets!

The Perfect Cookie

I have this friend - that I will literally do anything for. She is amazing and I'm SURE that she makes awesome cookies. But it has recently come to my attention that she needs a new cookie recipe.

Right now you are asking me why. Why would this great girl with her own great cookie recipe need a new one?

And my response is, just trust me.

So, I've been baking cookies. Lots and lots of cookies - cause I'm just that kind of friend. I think I've found them...buttery, soft, and full of chocolate.

1 cup butter (real butter)
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
**cream together then add
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
**beat until fluffy then add
2 1/3 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 (3.5 oz) pkg instant vanilla pudding mix
**mix together
**fold in
1 cup chocolate chips

drop by spooful onto greased baking sheet. I use a baking stone...375 degrees for 7-10 minutes.

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderfull
Isn't she precious
Less than a decade old

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed

Isn't she lovely

Thanks -Stevie...I couldn't have said it better myself.

Arghhhh

First migraine in 14 months - to say that I am frustrated is well...DS (that one's for you Chicago girls)

Doesn't every 4 year old say things like this?

"Mommy, can I have some juice and a cookie? I'll just deal with the diarrhea."

Because it seems that my 4 year old has constant diarrhea when he eats anyTHIng with a high amount of sugar, it has just become our normal. And then he said this in front of someone. The someone laughed hysterically, leaving me to ask the question..."should I not be ignoring this?"

I rarely give him juice so I do TRY to accommodate his issues. Because honestly people, who likes to wipe butts that often? The deal is however; the diarrhea is getting worse. Seems that it's happening more frequently and in response to many other kinds of foods. Ick.

So I finally called the Dr.'s office and asked the nurse if I should be concerned. She asked if I would begin keeping a food diary.

"Oh, no problem."

"Great, just write down what you feed him and when he has diarrhea."

"Ok, I will."

"I'll call you back tomorrow after I talk to the Dr."

"Thanks!"

Easy enough, right? Yeah, I thought so too, until I actually started the food diary. Poor kid. If I actually show the Dr. his food diary - they are gonna remove him from this junk-food-infested-home.

I'm a smart girl. I really thought I was trying to take good care of my children but for the love of all things HOLY, this child and his constant begging and pleading and pestering me for food has driven me right into the ground. It appears that I feed him a large quantity of BE QUIET AND JUST EAT ALREADY food.

That ends TODAY, right after he finishes the bowl of scooby snacks I just gave him so I could finish this post. Good grief.

One, Two, Three, go, go, go, Five

It was a timer kind of morning and for some unknown reason it worked. So, that's a really interesting post, huh?

It just got me thinkin'...what kind of damage am I doing to my kid when I raise her by a timer? Can this be good for her?

We woke up at 6:30 and came directly down the stairs. I fixed a bowl of cereal for her and set the timer for 7 minutes. I watched as she played for 5 minutes, glance at the clock, and inhale her Life cereal in 2 minutes.

Then I sent her up to her room to get panties. The child lives, eats, and sleeps in a swimming suit so she needed panties - lest you think that we eat breakfast pany-less. As I sent her to her room, I said see if you can get back here before I count to 10. She ran and I counted.

Then we did her hair - thankfully without a timer.

Next was a little TV show - for 15 minutes ONLY!

As we handed her her coat, her father said, "you've got two minutes!"

Hugs, kiss, and out the door.

All this preoccupation with time and beating the clock and moving faster...what kind of anxiety am I producing?

Tell me, right now - before I get to ten.

"ONE, TWO, THREE........."

And in the end, I am the one who learns something.

So today was the "typical morning" with lots of talking, moving, messing around, talking, not eating, not getting dressed, not brushing teeth...I'm sure you get the picture.

And then something happened. I can't even be sure at what point the flip switched, but it did. In a nano-second my beautiful 7 year old girl went from the "typical morning" to the "who is this child and what just happened" morning.

See, she has this built in thing. For you and I, it's called fight or flight. When we are faced with a "situation" we can decide whether we want to stay and fight or get out. She, my precious baby girl, doesn't have much use for the flight portion of that equation. She is a fighter. The best of the best. I am actually rather proud of this part of her. And I get it, I really do. The moment she feels at all trapped and controlled, she starts to fight...0 to 60 in 3 seconds. It's a talent...until she uses it on us.

This morning, something sent her into fight mode. Maybe it was "brush your teeth" or "hurry" or "get dressed." I can't be sure. But whatever we said was perceived as control.

She freaked out. It wasn't pretty.

When she finally snapped back into the human form of herself, she felt awful. She cried and cried and apologized and cried some more.

As she sat on my lap in a puddle of tears she frantically began to talk through all of her worries. One of which is being scared of her music program today. My girl, my brave, wild, outgoing girl was rolled into a tiny ball on my lap telling me that she is so nervous about her 10 minute music program. My heart broke into a million little pieces.

This kiddo is strong. She is brave and loud and she can fill an entire room with her personality. She has a flash temper. She argues about a LOT of things. I have to be "on" every single minute as a mother to raise her and get her through the day. These are my dominant thoughts most days. But as she sat curled in my lap and I looked down at her, I was shocked to see a little girl -- learning how to grow up.

Ummmm...Well, that's a good question buddy.

"Mommy, how come you sit down to go pee-pee? Cause me and daddy stand up when we pee-pee."

I've got the - Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, Down in my Heart

Wake-up Call: Fighting between the kids

Breakfast: Loud fighting, tongue-sticking-out, kicking with a side of cereal

Play time: A wicked and dangerous game of Bingo complete with slapping and yelling

More Play time: Battleship that was mostly battle and very little ship

Snack: Fighting, name calling, grabbing, and pushing and a small bowl of fruit snacks

TV time: Spitting, tattling, crying, and tooting in the direction of the other sibling just to fill the room with more than yelling and a little bit of Scooby Doo.

HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it's all downhill from here

I am starting to clearly see that my standards are on a slippery slope. Here are a few examples:

~The mailman rang the doorbell and I literally tackled my 4 year old as he was running to answer the door. As we hit the floor and he looked at me like I was crazy (??), I realized that if I would just brush my teeth and my hair in the morning this would never have happened.

~When I buy new clothes now, one of the requirements is that I can quickly throw it on in the morning...preferably without a bra.

~I have convinced myself that I look fine without make-up.

~My 4 year old snuggled next to me on the couch and suggested that I "take a shower because I smelled like the big man at the grocery store."

Removing Gluten from the known world...one bite at a time!

This one's for you Steph!

My friend has recently been diagnosed with Celiac'. At first, as she filled me in on the restrictions of her new diet, I thought it wouldn't be THAT bad. It was gonna be different, for sure. But still - meat, fruit, veggies - she would be fine.

That was what I thought at FIRST.

Now - well, I feel so sorry for her that I am attempting to bake a gluten-free cake and frosting and make it taste edible.

And why, you ask, do I feel her burden so personally...

This is my food consumption for the last 24 hours (give or take)
~Waffles
~Beef and pasta
~pickles
~crackers
~freshly baked rolls
~spaghetti
~Chicken marinated in gluten
~Girl Scout Cookies
~toast

So, in the end...absolutely EVERY SINGLE FOOD ITEM I HAVE EATEN has either been made directly out of gluten or soaked in gluten. Nice.

I'm having to look at my menu as a service project for my friend. I'm taken'' one for the team. It's my attempt to remove gluten from the shelves...one bite at a time.

Ah - hah moment!

7 year old: "This Scooby Doo show is fake because those sea monsters just climbed out of the sea and ran around the boat chasing Scooby. And real sea monsters would die if they came out of the water."

Me: "Yep, your right."

7 year old: (with wide eyes and a big HUGE light-bulb above her head) "Besides...dogs can't even talk!!"

Me: "Are you just now realizing that Scooby Doo is fake?"

7 year old: "YES!"

The result of guilt - mommy guilt

I am a room mom. I know, that is practically enough said.

Today is Valentine's Day. Ugghh. I am not a fun, silly, creative mom. I am a obey me, get over here, clean your room and be quiet - kind of mom. Wish I wasn't, but it's really pretty much true.

The only truly fun thing about being a room mom is that the OTHER room moms are awesome! I mean really cool women.

So, we are all a little partied out and our plan for this party was (NOTE the word was)...snack, movie, open valentines, the end.

Then my mommy guilt kicked in. Not on it's own...I'm not wired that way. But as a direct result of talking to fun, silly, creative people. Over the last two days several people have commented on how much they loved school parties and games and Valentine's day, etc., etc, etc,. gag.

So, the party is in 2.5 hours. The plan was set in motion, all I had to do was show up at school with a movie in hand. My day could have been spent lazily eating heart shaped cookies, sipping tea and reading a book.

Nope...

I have spent my morning planning 2 games, calling a creative friend for ideas and how to spell the creative ideas (wink, wink), cut up purple and pink paper, drawn a baahh-zillion hearts, cut the hearts into puzzle pieces, called the babysitter for the 4 year old (the one who has been completely neglected all morning), and made a list of items to buy at the store on my way to school for game prizes. Nice...

And in the end, I'm sure it will be fun and it is my hope that someday 13 little first graders will be all grown up and torturing some other mommy into planning a Valentine's Day party that is just as FUN as they remember their parties being.

Snack Smoothie

You just never know what they are thinking...Here is a conversation I had with my 7 year old this morning.

Me: "It's the 100th day of school! Aren't you excited to take your snack?"

****FYI: Every child was asked to bring 100 pieces of some snack (M&Ms, Pretzels, Popcorn, Crackers, etc.). We broke out the cookie press and made 100 little heart shaped sugar cookies. The fact that 13 little kids are gonna count, grab, and touch each and every piece of snack that is brought into the room today is the subject of the blog I will write next week when my kiddo is home sick from school. But anyway...where was I???

Her: "I'm kind of sad that these cookies will be all broken up."

Me: "Oh, you know what? We can just put them into a baking dish and keep them all safe until you share them with your friends."

Her: "No mommy, I mean when Mrs. ______ breaks them all into pieces and has us drink them."

Me: "Ummmmm, what?"

Her: "Yes, mommy, TRUST me - I know - it's what we are going to do today. Mrs. _____ said that we are all going to bring 100 pieces of something and then she is gonna mix them all up real good and put them in cups for our snack time."

Me: "Oh, sure...that makes perfect sense. Snack smoothie - drink up!"

Party Weekend

It was Happy Adoption Day for my little girl! 7 years ago this weekend we were standing in a judge's office signing the final paperwork. No doubt that God puts families together.

Happy Birthday Old Man!! My hubby may be getting older but he is still as gorgeous as the day I met him.

Personal Shopper...

Rumor has it that someone in my family recently experienced the joy of a personal shopper...

I am sitting here in a bathrobe with no real hope for a "cute outfit" day. But I have dreams of a personal shopper in my very near future.

Here's what I need my personal shopper to do for me:

1. Exercise clothes...that make me look like I actually exercise in addition to being so totally cute that I am motivated to exercise.

2. PJ's that are both comfy and sexy...Do they make see-through flannel? Correction: That is of couse assuming that it would actually BE sexy to see through the flannel and until those exercise clothes "kick in," this is NOT the case.

3. The perfect fitting bra...enough said

4. Guaranteed "stay where you put them" panties

5. It's a miracle, God Bless the babysitter, I can't believe it's finally a break...date night clothes

6. Timeless and Classic outfit for the one time a decade that I need to look professional...I can't for the life of me imagine what I would need this outfit for...but still

7. Several items that are dual purpose -- running errands, cleaning toilets, picking up kids from school, laying and watching soap opera's and eating bonbons

8. Sunday morning outfit...looks like I spent forever getting ready but in actuality, I got up late and got dressed in 37 seconds and still look amazing!

9. The PERFECT BATHING SUIT...bwaaaa-haaaa-haaaa

10. Matching shoes to all above outfits!

There you have it...my day with a personal shopper. Maybe I should stick to drinking Martinis in my Hanes Her Way sweat suit.

UPDATE: I talked to my family member about her time with a personal shopper...I am TOTALLY gonna do this ASAP -- it sounds fabulous!!

Thought this was soooo funny...

I've got a great husband - God love him. But he is a little...ehem...well, forgetful.

I've got a fabulous daughter! The best. But she is a little, well...ummmm...ADHD. Ok, for real, it's a LOT ADHD. But who's keeping track?

This morning as I was dolling out pills, my hubby says, "Hey, I know her (daughter) meds are getting low but don't worry, I've already ordered a refill."

For the record, they aren't that low - but the thought of NOT having those little miracle pills must panic him so much that he is not willing to risk it.

Seriously people, I've asked him to put salt in the water softener 5 times per day for the last 6 days and still no salt in the water softener. But come hell or high water...we will have pills.

I have the best, THE BEST family.

Oh, for the LOVE!

Wake up call:

"He has poop on his legs and the toilet is NOT flushing...do we have a plunger?"

Lifetime Movie

Sometimes, those movies hit a little close to home.

So, I ask you...what if? What if your life was ACTUALLY more drama than a Lifetime Movie? Who would you want to play YOU?

Meet the movie version of me:



Yes, apparently, I have a very high self-imagine!

Firsts...

I love firsts. The joy of being a mother, for me, has been the blessing of witnessing so many firsts!

Last night my 7 year old daughter had her first sleep-over. This is BIG news at our house. Also, it was the first sleep-over for her little friend!

They played all evening. I barely saw their little faces. I let them stay up late. And then...it was time for bed. **For all of you seasoned moms out there - stop the smirking.

I put them in cozy pjs. Tucked them into the warm bed. Handed out plenty of stuffed animals. Passed out waters - with ice please. Read a story. Sang a couple of songs. Prayed for sweet dreams and no scary ones...(direct quote). Set up a little movie. Said goodnight and closed the door.

Let the GAMES BEGIN!!!

For the next 2 hours it was a constant parade of little feet and tiny voices. "I'm scared"..."She put her feet on me"..."This movie is too scary"..."We need music"..."We need a snack"..."Can I have more animals on my side"..."My eyes won't close"..."My back hurts"..."I can't get comfortable"..."Maybe the bed is too little for two girls"..."Can we PLEAAAASE have a snack?"...

At 11:30ish I heard lots of giggles. I opened the door and found 2 little girls standing in the room with panties over their heads so that they could see out of the leg holes and socks on their hands. WHAT???

They were delirious.

So I wrapped up in a blanket, climbed into the bed with them and in my calm but firm mommy voice I said, "Close your eyes and do NOT talk any more."

And the last words uttered in that room were: "We like it better when you are in here with us."

Exactly 47 seconds later two little girls were snoring softly, side by side.

Don't Wait One More Minute

Hug each one of your kids. Tell them you love them and you will fight for the protection of their youth.

Tell your husband you love him and thank him for being your safe place.

Lift your hands up to God and give Him Praise.

...the end.

Freaky Friday and the top 10 reasons...

TGIF!

It's been a week. A loooong, loooong week. I have lots of reasons that attribute to the freakiness, but I'll pick 10. You're welcome.

1. My underwear are mysteriously shrinking. =D I'm trying not to take this personally.

2. Politics - schmolotics. I'm trying to be very quiet about my personal opinions.

3. "Little miss thaang" is having quite the week at school. Is it the full moon?

4. My little guy has been peppering me with questions about Heaven. I am totally not prepared to answer.

5. McDonalds has been closed in our town for a total re-build. It is finally open and now has TWO drive-thru lanes. This is causing much turmoil in our small town.

6. My parents/babysitters/sanity have decided to take a vacation for a freakishly LONG time.

7. My garage door took a sabbatical and frankly it's testing my patience.

8. I haven't been able to sleep well for many days.

9. Apparently at the slightest "hint" of stress I eat...more and more and more. Thanks Chicago.

10. And the final straw - My husband was completely engrossed in...well, ahem...a Wii bit of tennis and our son disappeared. I was busy and asked my hubby to check on him. **Sidebar here, if I had NOT asked him to check would he have eventually done it?** My husband did check on him after the game was OVER and he was furious for being interrupted. What he found was a 4 year old boy in the vicinity of the toilet with poop NOT in the vicinity of the toilet. Nice.

I'm sorry...

I know it gets annoying to hear more and MORE stories of my kids and their "stinkin' hilarious moments." But, just imagine this...I am choosing the best to pass on to you. Imagine if I included all of their stories....go on imagine - No? Well, alright.

My daughter's teacher told me about a little moment in the classroom last week, starring my beloved daughter.

My kid was being naughty (I know, I can hardly believe it either). Anyway, her teacher is quiet and calm and everything I wish I could be as a mother. She told me that in this moment she was so fed up she looked at my daughter and SNAPPED her fingers really loud in an effort to startle my daughter and thus cause her to STOP whatever behavior she was doing. So here's how it plays out:

Teacher: **loud snapping**
My kid: "Wow! you snap really good! I didn't know you were so good at that!"
Teacher: **not prepared for the onslaught of compliments at what was supposed to be a fear tactic, so she snaps again!"
My kid: "Where did you learn to snap that good? That was cool!"
Teacher: **throws in the proverbial towel**

Good thing she is a strong independent girl...

She is gonna need those character traits today.

Here's how the story goes:

For her birthday I got her a Barbie that comes with a special little flat iron. Built in to the flat iron is a little cartridge that can add stripes of color to the barbie's hair...pink, blue, or purple. I can read your mind and see the knowing smile on your face right now. But it's not what you think. She figured out how to remove the cartridge and she colored her EYEBROWS bright blue. Not just a hint of blue, but vivid blue. Guess what! It doesn't come out so easy.

Today is spirit day at her school and the kids get to wear some type of floatation device...(don't ask me, I think it's weird). The kids are all pumped up. She hates the life-jacket at the lake - when the purpose is to save her very life - but for school, apparently, it's the most comfortable thing she has EVER WORN.

So I sent her to school today dressed in a life-jacket and very, very blue eyebrows.

Pity the fool who laughs at her.

Somebody slap me

Or call me fat.

I should be exercising - I need to be exercising - I'm supposed to be exercising.

But I'm eating, all the time, constantly, endlessly, without a break.

Help.

Counting my blessings

I spent the entire day in the SICU (surgical intensive care unit) waiting room with my friend. Her dad had a heart attack and triple bypass. It's a BIG surgery and NOT an easy road for this sweet patient or his family.

Spending several hours in the waiting room was a big reminder that each day is a gift. Shame on me for forgetting that and wasting any single day.

I met a man as he was chasing behind a very cute little baby boy. The little guy was probably 18 months or so and he was smiling, laughing, and running full steam ahead. The man, his grandpa, was spending his time running behind this little guy. As we began to visit the man told me that his daughter and son-in-law (the little boy's parents) had been in a serious car accident and both of them were unconscious and in critical condition in separate hospitals.

Another man spent most of his day in tears as the doctors continued to tell him more and more bad news about his 24 year old wife.

My heart just ached for these families as they waited to see what the next hour held.

So, go hug your kids - call your parents - e-mail your siblings...let them know you love 'em. Each day is a gift.

The love of my life

Junior...

I crawled into bed with my 4 year old last night to read him some books. As I got all comfy beside him, he says:

"Mommy, you smell so pretty."

I melted into a puddle of goo and said, "thank you buddy."

And he hugged me tight so that he could smell my arm and then without taking his little nose off of my arm, he says:

"Make sure daddy keeps buying you this pretty smell so that you can always smell like this."

Preventing Murder begins at home...

Here is a little conversation I had with my 7 year old daughter tonight - the one who marches to her own beat and also attends a small conservative Christian school.

Her: "Do you know that inside your heart there can be a teeny tiny little seed. Doctors couldn't find it even if they cut your heart wide open. It's called the seed of bitterness. (at this point she is actually drawing a heart and a seed in the center) If you don't pray for God to take the seed out then it can grow and grow and grow (she is now drawing lines all through the heart) and cause your heart to be real ugly. And (looking up at me with big round eyes) eventually, if you don't pray for God to take the seed away...it can lead to killin' (not killing - killin').

Me: "............."

Check

Sleep until the last possible moment while trying to pacify my child with a remote and promises of chocolate for breakfast.

check

Nag and gripe and semi-yell at said child to: "get dressed", "eat please", "I said get dressed", "brush your teeth," "did you hear me say to get dressed?", "we are gonna be late!,"

check

take same child to school without brushing MY teeth

check

drink a pot of coffee - black

check

allow youngest child to OD on cartoons and sugar

check

eat body weight in junk food, including but not limited to: ice-cream, candy, crackers, chips, buttery popcorn

check

spend a little time training...on the Wii

check

cook dinner

...not so much

fold laundry

...not so much

exercise

...not so much

A lot of work.

Teaching a little girl how to handle a bathroom has been a breeze. The same cannot be said for my son.

My constant nagging and begging to PLEEEEASE point your penis down was effective for a little while. But frankly, he has too many other things to worry about. All have been learned the hard way.

So, here's how it goes:

He runs into the bathroom.

Pulls down his pants.

Somehow, magically, gets himself on the toilet ... precariously balancing on the edge and hanging on by hooking his little legs around the toilet bowl. (note to self - clean every square inch of the toilet because - well, gross, he touches it ALL).

He pulls his shirt up to his armpits because he is terrified that he is gonna get something on it.

And...he holds his nose. He has a really sensitive gag reflex and the smell of this own pooh gets him every-time.

Given the fact that he waits until the VERY. LAST. MINUTE. to run into the bathroom, means that he has very little time to do all of these things before...well...you get the picture.

The moral of the story...NO ONE IS POINTING THE PENIS DOWN.

If you come to visit me, come with an empty bladder.

Welcome Monday morning...

I wish I could crawl back in bed.

Because I. AM. MAD.

And, frankly, it would be wise for everyone involved if I would just go back to bed.

I'm sure you, my faithful internet, are thinking, "how could she be so mad so early in the morning?"

It would be unfair of me to vomit out all of my problems on you this morning. So, I'll just say that my mood has been slightly affected by the following (but not limited to this list...because quite honestly, in this kind of mood there is no limit):

~I do laundry, put it away in the respective drawers, and still I'm awakened by an adult in a total panic...because apparently, selecting jeans and a shirt is a job only a women can do. Did I mention that mornings are not my best time of day?
~All my son wants is Cookie Crisp cereal, and he asks for it every 37 seconds until I throw it at him.
~People in my house yell at each other to get what they want.
~My sink is FULL of dirty dishes
~I sweetly asked my man-servant if he could drop off a form at a local preschool...and he copped an attitude?
~My daughter is really slow...so slow that it becomes impossible to remain calm and collected.
~And last but not least...I open my computer to check the news and read a couple of blogs while I sit and drink my morning pot of coffee. Guess what I see...go on guess. In my bookmarks bar, so that I have quick and easy access - TONING A SAGGING BOTTOM - now before you say anything, I know that I placed it in my bookmarks bar. But still. This morning, that website should have run for cover.

It's Friday - right?

Friday's Ten...Need or Want

The concept of need versus want is very intriguing to me. How would I decide which is which? I suppose it would all depend on how much money I had. I mean, seriously, given a very limited amount of money - I could reduce NEED to food, shelter, and water. I'm not going that far.

Here's how it works, in my world. If I had to pick 10 things that I could spend money on this year and ONLY 10...what would I choose. Bills are paid, food is taken care of. This is only personal priorities...this is for FUN people.

1. Make-up. I love my mineral makeup. Love it, love it, love it!
2. Hair cuts. My girl is fabulous!
3. Place settings. I'm working on getting new dishes!
4. A purse at some point in the year. I have a love affair with bags and purses.
5. Aquage hair products...they just work better.
6. Fitness Center membership
7. Spring/summer shirt
8. 'nother spring/summer shirt
9. a pair of capri pants
10. spring/summer shoes

So, I've come up with the list. Now I'm gonna see if I can stick to it. No promises. But it will be fun to see how much more I find to NEED as the year goes by!

News and other blatherings

Well, not actual news, news - cause I don't get to know current news. I'm a mom of small, wild children. I fondly refer to this decade in my life as a music free, pop-culture free, news free, brain free fight for my very life! =)

If you will remember my previous blog about my '08 goals, I thought I would give a brief update!

1. Budget - we are doing really well! It's not fun but I'm surviving just fine, much to my surprise!
****but I have a little more to add alone these lines in a future blog.

2. Inviting people over for meals. Well, this is still "in process." We'll get there.

3. The chore plan for the kids has been revolutionary! The house is staying really clean...? Who knew?

4. I keep making excuses for the butt and the couch. They just love each other so much. But I will report that my ENTIRE body is sore from playing Wii Sports with my family. The whole virtual thing gets me every time.

5. Ummm...

6. It's not daily but this particular Bible is written in daily format so I'm always playing catch-up. So far, I'm fairly close to the actual date.

It's January 10th and I'm feeling pretty O.K. about my goals. Only 355 days to go...give or take.

To My Birthday Girl

Your face is the face I see in my dreams! My very own daughter -

I begged God for you and he provided!

You are my first.

You are my first experience with mother love. I am still amazed with the power and ability of "mother love." I am more protective, more intense, more worried, more happy, more fulfilled, more analytical, more determined, more forgiving, more passionate, more forward thinking, more alive than I ever thought possible.

You are my answer to questions about nature versus nurture. You are you and that is a little bit of nature and a little bit of nurture and a LOT of strength and sense of self!

You were the BEST baby. Slept 8 hours each night starting on day 10 of life.

You smiled at everyone and had no favorites.

You are never bored.

You love everything outside and anything animal. The world fascinates you - may you never loose that.

You are 7 now and you can read and tie your shoes and fix a sandwich and dial the phone and so many things new each day.

I admire who you are and love you with ever fiber of my being.

You demand excellence from those around you.

You seem to know, instinctively, who needs your love and you give it freely.

You make me work for my title as mother but I'm up for the challenge!

Living life with you is a gift.

Friday's Ten

It has come to my attention that I'm not as young and able to see what's cool and what isn't anymore. I've also found myself in this unique age bracket in life - that is, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to wear. Where am I supposed to shop? What brands am I supposed to buy? How does this work in your 30's? What do 30-year-old-stay-at-home-mom-house-wife-chruch-leadership-team-member-childbirth-educator-fun-and-hip-friends wear these days?

I have this friend...who has a 17 year old daughter. My friend ALWAYS looks amazing. This whole thing started as she and I were talking about new shoes. She had new shoes on...the same brand and style as her 17 year old daughter. She looked great.

So it got me thinking...

Are my clothes cool or gag? What items in my closet need to go and what are cool vintage?

I've come up with 10 items that are currently in my closet that I love. Have they seen their last day or can I keep them around for a little longer?

1. My black leather coat. Hip length, clean lines, button front.

2. Dr. Martens. Brown, chunky, Mary Jane style

3. Tommy Hilfiger shoes. Black, thick sole, Mary Jane style front, open back.

4. Hoodies of many colors and fabrics

5. Denim Skirt

6. Khaki skirt. Long, straight

7. Thong underwear

8. Corduroy pants. I have two pair, no pockets, light brown/khaki color, dark brown color

9. Pantyhose with skirts in the winter

10. Those sweat pants and sweatshirts from Walmart that are tight around your ankles and wrists and come in matching colors like light purple or yellow or blue.

Huh?

See, I already know that this isn't gonna be funny to all you bloggy folks out there. Not because you don't have a fabulous sense of humor, but rather, it's because this just isn't funny in the re-telling. The thing is, I want to document it...for sympathy and for future reference when my precious little girl grows up.

She has a slight...well maybe it's a bit more than slight...dx of ADHD. This means that our conversations can be completely OUT THERE.

Here's today...The PERFECT example of a child with ADHD verses one without.

Enjoy...

Her: "mommy, what color are my eyes?"
Me: "they are grey"
Her: "papa says they are brown, and sometimes he says they are blue, and sometimes he says they are green."
Me: "well, they are always grey"
Her: "yuck"
Me: "my best-friend in high-school had grey eyes and they were beautiful, just like your eyes are."
Her: "does she still live?"
Me: "what?"
Her: "does SHE still LIVE?"
Me: "what do you mean?"
Her: "is she DEAD or ALIVE?"
Me: "oh, she is alive. She just lives far away. I think Pennsylvania."
Her: "can you burp there?"
Me: "what?"
Her: "can you burp in Thailand?"
Me: "ummm, well my friend, if we are even still talking about her anymore, lives in Pennsylvania - NOT Thailand."
Her: "Well, I want to go there so I can burp."
Me: "....................."
4 year old brother who has been listening: "I want to go there too, not so I can burp, just to meet your friend."
Me: "that's nice buddy."

What do you do with a scurvy Pirate?

"What do you do with a scurvy pirate..."

"Make them walk the plank."

It's the favorite song at our house right now. To be honest, I don't know where they learned it. In my fantasy world, I would preview each show and movie my precious children watch. In the real world, I send them into the TV room to keep them quiet so I can drink lots of soda and eat chips dipped in ice-cream.

So...because I'm such a good mom in 2008 I decided that we would spend our days learning naturally. Meaning...whatever they come across or are interested in, we would learn.

Scurvy it is...

What fun!

Here is the outcome of the lesson...

Oranges for everyone!!

Art

"Look mommy, I made a churkey. Can you see her cute little feathers?"

"Look mommy, my churkey is busy laying some eggs!"

"Ahhh, look mommy, look, look, look!! My churkey just gave birf."

The party is over...ahem...I said IT'S OVER!

Happy 2008.

Seems like just yesterday I was staring in the closet at our large volume of canned meat, bottled water, and other non-perishables...you know, just in case the world exploded on January 1st 2000.

Now it's 2-0-0-8!!!

I have big goals for '08. Not resolutions - I don't do those. But I do make goals. Less guilt when February rolls around and I'm still the same old girl doing the same old stuff. But for a couple of days I have great fun with my "goals."

Goal #1 - involves budget...blah, blah, blah.

Goal #2 - involves inviting people over for meals monthly

Goal #3 - involves chores for the little ones...this one has me all giddy with excitement and a little bit of evil planning.

Goal #4 - involves getting my butt off the couch...blah, blah, blah

Goal #5 - States (and I quote) "I will kiss my husband on the mouth every day at least one time."

Goal #6 - involves daily Bible reading from this great little One Year Chronological Bible I have had for 2 years and not read yet. Hmmm...

So there you have it.

New Year's Eve

Oh Dear God - the fighting...the non-stop fighting. Please make it STOOOOOP!!!!

**And that is a prayer, officially, in case you wonder.

It's the end of 2007. My family is home together for the last day of the year. I had visions in my head of playing and laughter.

Nope - not the case.

My kids have been fighting ALL DAY LONG. I've done everything I can think to do. We even made a "family pact" to get along. It's NO use.

Help me...

Christmas Morning!!

The day finally arrived!

Santa came in the night...ate his cookies, drank his milk...and left a little something behind. My hope was that THIS year Santa would only leave a semi-cool gift. I'm a little bitter that Santa gets all the credit for the "good" gifts. However, Santa can really show me up...and he did.

But we didn't do so bad...and we have the screams to prove it.

However, the next time Santa decides to bring electronic drum sticks...he'd better leave some earplugs and a little Xanax.

And even though giving is better than receiving. And the joy of the the morning was hearing my children laugh. And Christmas really is all about a BABY in a manger...Momma got some Fiestaware and I was a little excited myself...and we have the screams to prove it!

Welcome back to me...

It's